Habakkuk 2: 2-3 And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (3) For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
I know I need to, but I don’t want to. This is the part I say earnestly, “The flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing! Pulling everything out of my utility room meant finding what was junk, yet it would make an excellent treasure for someone else. My foyer is going to look like a hoarder’s paradise. Dust will settle on another few inches of dust, making my apartment look like the sweeper blew up. Digging for space to create a path to and from rooms is a pain! God only knows how long it will take me to organize everything neatly.
So much truth is in that! Chaos creates an overwhelming atmosphere.
What if I told you that chaos is a tool for God? “No, He isn’t the author of confusion.
(1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV) He works in it.
In the book of Esther, Haman’s lust for power drove him to deceive the king. All it took was the right strategy since he was the king’s righthand man, no problem! “Here is the plan. I’ll convince King Ahasuerus that the Jews are enemies.” Mordecai knew Esther was in the right place at the right time. He depended on his niece, whom he raised as his own, to intercede on their behalf. (Read the book of Esther)
Arrogance led Haman straight into the very snare he built for Mordecai. Chaos ceased in God’s time. Israel was spared.
Jesus, when coming into Bethsaida, was stopped, for there was a need for a miracle by a blind man. “Touch him, my Lord.” (Mark 8:22-20) First, He touched his eyes with his spit. “What do you see?’ The blind man looks up. I see men as trees, walking.” The first time, he didn’t truly see. Remember getting your eyes examined? Drops are put in your eyes to dilate them. It’s overwhelming wanting to see clearly. Jesus, the second time, placed his hands upon his eyes. His eyes were restored as though he could always see. Chaos only lasted for a moment, then, by the touch of the Master’s hands, order.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV
God puts things that are out of order in proper order. Before that can be done, everything has to be out of place and in the wrong place. Don’t worry. He had already made a path. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” (Psalms 119:105 KJV)
Our natural sight betrays us. Focus on what God said He would do. “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go. I will guide thee with mine eye.” (Psalm 32:8 KJV) His eye is our compass. It says eye. “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” Single vision is a term that throws me in a loop when ordering glasses online. It taught me something valuable, though. The two lenses are created for optical correction for a single distance, meaning only one. Focus is one way, not two, three, or four. Jesus says, “But if thine eye is evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness; how great is that darkness!” Proverbs says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” To have an open vision, we mustn’t be blinded by our circumstances and believe in a physical manifestation of God’s order.
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Our human habits get in God’s way so many times. During my time of prayer, I asked the Lord to help my unbelief like the Centurion did when he asked the Lord to heal his servant. He is being a man of authority felt unworthy for Jesus to come into his home. “Just, say the word and it will be done.” (Matthew 8:5-9) Just say the word and it shall be done.
For several weeks, the intensity of spiritual warfare felt too much. One night I envisioned a page containing sentences, but certain details were left out. I saw myself as the enemy whispered in my ear accepting words of fate to fill in the blank. Then I saw the Lord’s finger blotting them out. “No, Darlene, those are not the right answers.
“God I’ve heard what everyone else has said about these situations. I want to know what You say.” His answers were wholesome, full of life and an expected end. He will answer!
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. … ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 KJV
We must remind ourselves multiple times, “I am not fighting against flesh and blood. We are beating the air getting now where but worn down. Learning to not fill in the blanks of our life story is taking the pen out of God’s hand. I want to encourage you to meditate on things that are from above.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” Philippians 4:8 KJV
… “Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.” Isaiah 43:1 KJV
Tosha Cobbs Leanard wrote a song titled, “You Know My Name.” The song reflects God’s desire to be intimate with us. Responding to His presence creates a strong bond.
What more could we want than God Himself calling us by name? It’s one of the most beautiful acknowledgments! So many sorrowful nights as tears streamed down my face, I could hear the Lord whisper my name. “Darlene, it’s going to be all right. Trust Me, I’m working it out.”
Abraham and Sarah were known as Abram and Sarai at first. (Genesis 12:10-20) Abram means, exalted father, and was the name given to him since he lived in Mesopotamia. After Abram fell into a deep sleep God revealed His plan to Him. Abram then became Abraham, which is a Hebrew name. His name then changed meaning, father of many nations.
He gave him a new name and so did Sarai. Sarari means, my princess but when God changed it to Sarah it had greater significance. Sarah which commonly translates to “chief”, “ruler” or “prince”. It is also related to the verb שָׂרָה, which is also the basis of the name Israel. In Modern Hebrew, Sarah (שָׂרָה) is the feminine form of the word for “minister”.
Jacob means supplanter which means someone who takes another person’s place. Supplanting is a deliberate action of taking the throne. The Hebrew meaning, akab means catcher of the heel. Jacob received redemption after wrestling with an angel. Refusing to let go, he continued wrestling declaring, “I will not go until you bless me.” The angel asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob, “he replied.
Your name shall no more be Jacob, but Israel, for as a prince you have power with God and with men, and You have prevailed.”
He no longer carried the identity of a deceiver but a prince, having power with God and man.
The angel grabbed the hollow of his thigh to weaken him, still he continued. Genesis 32:32 says, … “the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob’s thigh in the sinew that shrank.” Keep in mind that Jacob meant grabber of the heel. This is significant since the children of Israel didn’t eat that part of the meat.
Satan even knows our name: if we are grounded in the Word of God, with a dedicated prayer life, we are a threat to him. (Acts 19:15 KJV) The seven sons of Jewish priest took it upon themselves to cast demons out of possessed individuals. The traveling exorcists called upon one who was possessed by saying, “We charge you by Jesus whom Paul preaches.” The evil spirits in the man replied,” Jesus I know, and Paul I know, but who are you?” The evil spirits physically attacked them. Acts 15:16 says, they leaped and prevailed over them. The exorcist fled torn, and their clothes ripped off. Jews and Greeks dwelling at Ephesus heard about it and they magnified, Lord Jesus.
Saul of Tarsus’s name in Greek translation is the adjective σαῦλος conveyed “effeminate” or “conceited,” and the cognate verbs σαυλοπρωκτιάω and σαυλοόμαι could mean walking in an effeminate .
Saul’s identity represented a tyrant with barbaric actions towards Christians. On his way to Damascus, he had an encounter with Jesus. Radiant light surrounded him literally knocking him off his high horse, blinding him. (Acts Chapter 9) After the powerful manifestation Jesus spoke to several disciples to go to him. Saul converted to Christianity and his name became Paul. Saul couldn’t do the work of God; people were fearful of that name. (Acts 26:12-23)
Paul means, small, cessation, stopper, a small whisper that propagates into a roaring multitude, extraordinary.
Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.”
Another scripture is Ecclesiastes 7:1, “A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth.”
A good name is more than good, integrity follows with it.
While researching the revelation came to me. A person who is under conviction is being called by name by God. “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” (John 15:16 KJV)
What happens when we are summonsed to jury duty? We come forth; our identity is programed into the system.
“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Isaiah 49:16 KJV
Engrave means in this scripture The word “engraven” is chaqaq. imprint, engrave, and also means to imagine. To imagine means that our identity specifically came from His thoughts before man exists.
These are only a few compared to what the Bible contains.
Keep in mind that through Christ alone changes are made. Jacob is a name that couldn’t be carried on because of its meaning. All these name changes came through redemption.
He even knows how many hairs are on our head. (Luke 12:7) Our God is personal.
As I stood there, lost in the depths of my reflection, I saw a damaged Darlene. Her eyes, once filled with certainty and strength, now danced with uncertainty and defeat, the highlight of faith within her destroyed. Detest filled my blood as I said, “You’re nothing! You’ve failed to learn several lessons, “You trusted to easily and you liberated your heart to care.” At this point I didn’t care. How did I get to this point? I pondered, still unable to tear my gaze away from the mirror. My life had become a battleground, a relentless onslaught of wars fought on multiple fronts: spiritual, mental, and physical. And they had left their mark, indelible scars etched upon my soul.
Weeks ago, I stayed in bed, sleeping to numb away the pain.
Betrayal sliced through me with a seared blade tearing my heart from its place of refuge. Someone who I had trusted, someone close to me, had woven a web of deceit through their lies, causing severe damage. What made this betrayal all the more bitter was my belief in this person’s Christian morals. Like two wounded souls seeking solace in each other’s company, we had shared stories of church hurt, of pain inflicted upon us by those who should have been our spiritual guides. I foolishly thought that such shared experiences would shield me from harm, that she would never be the source of my wounds. Bitterness filled my cup instead of God’s spirit. Not everyone who say they are in ministry is for our best interest. Jealousy is as cold as the grave. (Song of Solomon 8:6) Believing it was time for me to go forward, I pushed my years of church abuse in the back of the closet of my soul. Why didn’t I heed the signs? Why? Oh, why God!”
Even through the darkness I prayed defying my affliction, knowing I’ve had past experiences with it. Believing God when He promises, … “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 KJV) I’m going to be honest I loathed my calling, wishing that God would have chosen another. Through the past several weeks it has been hell on earth! It literally is.
One night the Lord said, “Get up Darlene, arise and do what you know to do.” I grabbed my Bible laying beside me, threw the blankets off and stood to my feet and began declaring the word, “God this book contains You’re promises! This is Your Heart God and You cannot lie!” Heaviness began breaking as I clearly heard Him make promises of restoration in friendships and other mends. “You are my defender!”
Beloved I am here to encourage you to hold on and keep fighting the good fight of faith. God reminded me that His timing is perfect that in the chaos He is doing something. I believe Him! Jesus knew Judas would betray Him. Here is the revelation, Judas didn’t do damage. He paved the road to a prophesy being fulfilled. In the Chosen series by Dallas Jenkins, Quintus who is a Roman soldier implicated that Jesus’s followers were a threat. Something needed to be done. Nicodemus without flinching replies, “Some florals spread their seeds when trampled.” Those words rang in my spirit as the Lord reminded me, “What others use for harm only causes a spiritual flourish.
The Darlene in the mirror may not have been triumphant, but she was determined. Determined to rise above the scars, to rebuild what had been shattered through the word of God, and to reclaim her spiritual sovereignty. And as I finally turned away from the mirror, my reflection locked in an unspoken promise, I stepped forward, ready to fight the battles that lay ahead on her knees.
I feel in my spirit there are many who are facing the same thing. Stand firm! Seek the Lord with everything in you! He’s working in secrecy. This is one of those situations God is going to have to fix.
“For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.
Hamon hung on the gallows he created for an innocent man. It’s a matter of time. Esther 7:10
Mary came into alignment for God’s purpose by declaring these words, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38 KJV)
Mary who the angel of the Lord called highly favored, didn’t have it easy by no means. Being highly favored meant persecution, pain, sacrifice.
She became a different person the moment the Holy Ghost overshadowed her. You can’t hide a visitation from God. Moses had to wear a veil over his face after being in the presence of God on the mountain. The radiancy of God’s glory permeated on his face. (Exodus 34:33)
Her womb bore more than a child. “Mary you are carrying a prophecy, a prophecy that the enemy will do all that’s in his power to destroy. Evil will arise from its throne. Fear not, for light will always swallow shadows. It is written, “And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars: And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads. And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born. And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days. And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. (I will do a breakdown of these scriptures in depth)
Her position before the earth’s foundations were laid was to carry the promise that the enemy despised. He devised in every wicked way possible to stop her from delivering our Savior. Yes, earthly kings arose in haste to protect their rein. It wasn’t about flesh and blood, it was against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12) This battle would only be won by standing tall and strong on bended knees.
Don’t you see Beloved, satan hates the promises and calling that’s in your spiritual womb. Take your promise and remind the enemy God said it and it shall come to pass!
The year 2024 is a year of flourishing. Let God give you the strength to birth spiritual things.
I choose not to capitalize satan although it’s proper grammar.
Confusion is an invisible enemy that sneaks in through twisted conversations. No wonder, I thought, there is great confusion upon the earth. Continuing in my research, my own understanding began unfolding. One doctor’s claim eating certain foods is a danger while another claims a breakthrough discovery: that unhealthy fruit we were told causes arthritis reduces it. Recycle to save our earth. Some have documented recycling is costly and the process releases poisonous chemicals into the air. Reduce waste by using cloth napkins, save on water though. On and on the list continues. It sounds like we can’t win for losing, doesn’t it? One end in the loop whole over another multiple times becomes a tight knot. Confusion and an unsettlement bare heavily upon this generation. Yes, college degrees can be presented verifying their major; however, it doesn’t relinquish the inward tug of war.
The point that I’m making in this is, in a sea of obstacles truth is an anchor. Isaiah 9:6 foretold a Counselor would come. Not just any counselor, one who is omniscient. He is also referred to as the Prince of Peace. Uncertainty is banished by His holy presence. Darkness is swallowed by His marvelous light. We do what we know to do, the things we don’t He’s guiding hand will steer our feet in the appointed destination.
Society pushes their belief system hoping that we fall prey to it.
One Truth, with forever and always stability is God’s word. Isaiah 55:11 declares, “So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”
If you are seeking a truth about a matter pray, seek the counsel of God. You will find not a truth but the Truth.
… “ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32 KJV
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 KJV
I sat nervously at the memorial service, my heart heavy with sorrow, surrounded by a sea of faces – an emotional tapestry of feelings woven together by grief and love – all united by one common thread: our cherished Becky Bailey. The atmosphere was filled with a tangible sense of loss, the air heavy with unspoken words and shared memories.
A table facing the crowd was adorned with a portrait of Becky, capturing her radiant smile and sparkling eyes. Fragrant bouquets of flowers, vibrant and alive, seemed surreal in contrast to the somber occasion. The soft strains of her favorite music played igniting a cascade of memories within me.
On one occasion Becky’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. While confined to a hospital bed, she reached out to me through a straightforward text, saying, “I’ve been thinking about you. “Those words struck a chord deep within me. “Thank you, Becky, for understanding without even knowing the battles I’ve been fighting. In that moment, as I lay on my own bed, consumed by feelings of worthlessness, your message of thoughtfulness brought a glimmer of hope into my weary heart. I’ve been tirelessly praying for guidance, seeking for a sign that I’m not alone. And you send this message, like an angel, reminding me that I’m seen and cared for.
But it didn’t stop there, Becky went above and beyond, sending me a video about eagle leadership. Intrigued, I clicked play, not knowing what to expect. And as the footage unfolded, I found myself inspired by the message of the majestic nature of eagles, soaring fearlessly with grace. God gave the lady minister in the video a message, “It’s time Eagle Leaders to take flight for this generation. Fly above the storm.” A pool of tears slid down my cheeks soaking my pillow. “Your gesture, Becky, was no coincidence. It was a gift from above, a message from God to remind me that I too possess the strength to rise above my challenges. Just like the eagle, I can tap into my inner leadership qualities and overcome any obstacles that have been weighing me down. So, thank you, Becky, for being the vessel of encouragement I so desperately needed. You have given me renewed faith in my purpose and reminded me of the power of connection”
The wind continued to dance among the leaves, pulling me in and out of memories. I felt a renewed sense of purpose and determination. I am ready to spread my wings and embrace the leadership qualities within me, just like those majestic eagles. From the depths of my heart, Becky, I am grateful for your timely presence and the impact you have had on my life.
May we both continue to inspire and uplift each other on this journey, fueled by the winds of change and the power of friendship.
Around me, friends and family whispered in hushed tones, their voices muffled by the weight of their sadness. Tears glistened on cheeks, serving as testament to the impact Becky had made on each person present. She had been the beacon of light in our lives, a source of laughter and joy, but now, left she’s in the embrace of God’s care. Her absence left a void impossible to fill.
As the memorial service began, the atmosphere fell into a contemplative silence. The minister’s voice, somber and gentle, rose and fell like waves crashing upon a shore. Her words merged with our collective thoughts, lifting them to the heavens, searching for solace in the midst of this heart-wrenching farewell.
I clung to the memories I had of Becky, playing them over and over in my mind like a cherished film reel. Her infectious laughter, the way her eyes sparkled with God’s love, the warmth of her embrace – these moments become even more precious now that they are memories.
My mind wandered to the countless moments we had shared, the adventures and secrets we had entrusted to one another. I recalled the nights we had talking to one another on the phone. There was laughter, tears, engaging in conversations about God’s miracle working power. We believed and knew that our friendship was eternal, that nothing could ever sever our bond.
But as I sat there, surrounded by the swell of sorrow, I came to understand the immense impact Becky had on all of us. She had an uncanny ability to bring people together, to create an unbreakable bond within her circle of loved ones.
As the memorial service came to a close, each person rose, their faces etched with sadness and acceptance. We might never fully recover from the loss we had endured, but we would carry Becky’s spirit forward, letting her memory guide us through the darkest of times.
I stood up, my nerves now replaced by a resilient determination to honor Becky’s legacy. As I walked away from the memorial service, I felt a glimmer of hope amidst the sea of sorrow. Though our hearts were heavy, Becky had taught us the power of love and friendship, and that, in itself, was a solace that would endure.
As the words flowed effortlessly between us, a cascade of understanding and recognition enveloped our shared conversation. Becky, with her lineage tracing back to a lineage of prophetic brilliance, saw me not just as a friend, but as a kindred spirit. The weighty responsibility that comes with bearing the title of a prophetess was not lost on either of us. It was a path shrouded in complexity, one that demanded unwavering faith and relentless perseverance.
Yet, despite the challenges and the burdens we carried, there was an undeniable sense of excitement that coursed through our beings. To find someone who truly comprehended the intricacies of our unique calling, someone who could relate to the trials and tribulations we faced, was nothing short of exhilarating.
Becky spoke of her mother, a woman of great spiritual insight, and how she had been groomed from a tender age to walk in the footsteps of the divine. The legacy that Becky was now entrusted with was a daunting one, but it was also awe-inspiring. We shared tales of our encounters with the divine, of the profound moments where heaven seemed to touch earth, and the extraordinary visions that shaped our destinies.
In the midst of our shared experiences, it became evident that our connection ran deeper than mere understanding or empathy. We were, as Becky so eloquently put it, kindred spirits. It was as if our souls had danced together in a different realm long before we ever met in this earthly existence. Our laughter I believed entertained God. Time became irrelevant as hours slipped away, lost in the enchantment of our conversation. We had not just found a companion in each other, but a confidante, a true ally in this arduous journey we were on. The weight of our responsibilities felt a little lighter, knowing that we were not alone.
For in the realm of prophethood, where the boundaries between the divine and the human blur, the real glory lay not in the acclaim of mortals, but in the humble act of sitting at the feet of Jesus. It is in those moments of communion with the divine that our hearts are nourished, our spirits rejuvenated, and our purpose reaffirmed.
As our shared conversation drew to a close, a bittersweet feeling washed over us. We knew that this newfound connection was a gift, one that would forever shape our paths and strengthen our resolve. The excitement we felt in that moment would linger, fueling us on the days when the journey seemed too treacherous.
Becky and I had transcended the limitations of time and space, bound together by a shared understanding of a sacred role. We were not just two souls conversing, but two vessels of divine revelation, united in purpose and solidarity. And together, we would continue to walk the difficult path in the prophetic, finding solace in the knowledge that we were never truly alone. It’s not an easy position to walk in nor is it glorious! The only thing glorious about it is sitting at the feet of Jesus.
The first time we engaged in a conversation we felt we knew each other all our lives. Kindred spirits is what she said we were.
September 2021 at 12:09 pm
Ginny and her family had asked me to keep Becky, their sister-in-law, in prayer. I had been diligently doing so, but perhaps there was something more I could do to uplift her spirits. “You both have so much in common. Why don’t you reach out to her? A simple text letting her know that you’re thinking of her and praying for her could bring her some much-needed encouragement,” Ginny said.
After hanging up I searched for the right words to say to her. As the dishes clinked in the sink, I found myself lost in thought. I didn’t know what to say, how to express the depth of my concern and the extent of my prayers. In that moment, I felt a sudden pull, a whisper from above. It was God, guiding me with His word, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31.” His voice resounded in my heart, urging me to share this scripture with Becky.
Swiftly, I set aside the dishes and reached for my phone. A quick search led me to the scripture, Isaiah 40:31. As I scrolled through the images, one depiction caught my interest. An eagle soaring near a cliff, gracefully banking in a 45-degree angle turn. It was the perfect visual representation of the scripture’s words, capturing the essence of hope and strength.
Without hesitation, I posted this image on Becky’s Facebook page, accompanied by a message, “God told me this is your favorite scripture.” I pressed the post button, feeling a sense of urgency, as if time were of the essence. And then, the reply came beneath it. Becky’s words appeared on my screen, filling my heart with joy. “It is!” she exclaimed. In that moment, I knew that God had used me as His messenger, reaffirming Becky’s faith and offering her the encouragement she so desperately needed.
I learned so much from this beautiful woman of God! Our hearts were enclosed with the passion of seeking the face of God with fervency. We exchanged testimonies about our secret place, our prayer closet, with the Lord our God. There we had caught the attention of heaven to bring it down to us. “This is who we are Becky. Isn’t God amazing and hard to comprehend?”
“Yes, He is,” She answered quickly.
One-night Beckey and I talked for hours, she asked me to pray for her son. “Darlene, she paused, “please don’t stop praying for my family.” Tears swelled in my eyes, “I won’t Becky,” I said taking a breath, “I promise.”
Becky accepted me for who I was. Freedom filled the space around us. She understood me so well.
In the depths of our souls, we were kindred spirits, bound together by the fire of our faith. The woman, a magnificent vessel of God’s love, touched my heart in ways I never thought possible. Her presence alone radiated with an ethereal glow, as if she were truly an angel sent from above.
We shared our stories, baring our souls in the hidden sanctuary of our prayer closets. There, in the sacred stillness, we poured out our hearts to the Almighty, seeking His divine guidance and mercy. The intensity of our prayers seemed to reverberate through the heavens, capturing the attention of celestial beings.
“This is who we are, Becky,” I whispered, my voice trembling with awe. “Isn’t God simply astounding? He is beyond our comprehension, yet He desires an intimate relationship with us.”
A smile graced Becky’s lips, her eyes shining with a profound understanding. “Yes, He truly is magnificent,” she murmured, her voice laced with adoration. And in that moment, our souls danced together, entwined in the rhythm of praise and worship.
On a moonlit night, as the world slept beneath a blanket of stars, our conversation flowed ceaselessly. Becky, with a vulnerable yet courageous heart, confided in me about her beloved son. The weight of her worries etched lines of sorrow upon her face, but her faith never wavered.
“Darlene,” she spoke softly, her voice layered with emotion, “please, don’t ever cease praying for my family. Your prayers hold a power beyond measure. I trust in the intercession that flows from your heart.”
My eyes welled up with tears, reflecting the depth of my love for this remarkable woman. “Becky,” I whispered, my voice choked with emotion, “I will. I promise Becky.” We had the same language, spiritual topics that very few do not understand.
With those words spoken, a profound peace settled upon us. In this sacred moment, Becky embraced me for who I was, flaws and all. The chains of judgment and expectation were shattered, replaced by a freeing acceptance that enveloped us both.
In the presence of this woman of God, freedom soared, igniting our spirits and releasing us from the shackles of conformity. We reveled in the understanding that we didn’t have to fit into society’s mold; instead, we were called to be authentic in our worship and love for the Creator.
Becky understood me on a level no one else could. She saw beyond my frailties peering into the depths of my soul through the eyes of God. In her presence, my spirit flourished, unfettered and unapologetic.
Oh, how I cherished our moments together, those precious hours filled with celestial dialogue and unwavering faith. Becky, a beacon of God’s love, taught me the power of vulnerability and the beauty of surrender. She forever remains in my heart, a testament to the boundless grace and compassion of our Heavenly Father. We discussed over and over how I had become blood. “I forget that I’m not related,” I giggled in response.
On Thanksgiving in 2021 a few of her family members celebrated with me. She sent me a message saying,” Tell them I said Happy Thanksgiving.” Pausing from fixing their plates I relayed messages from us to her.
An unsettling intrusion interrupted the special occasion. Suddenly I didn’t want to celebrate, I saw a vision of myself dressed for a funeral. Becky’s fight with pancreatic cancer had been a fight. No, she’s going to get better! I argued within myself. Death I will pray against you! My inner argument failed as it continued to prevail.
Before she passed away, I talked to her for the last time. She said, “Darlene I’m trying to hold on but I’m so tired.” I felt her tiredness. “I love you so much Becky!” Faintly, I love you to honey.”
Before she passed away, I had the privilege of speaking to her one last time. Weariness echoed in her voice as she whispered, “Darlene, I’m trying my best to hold on, but I’m so tired.” I could feel the weight of her exhaustion seeping through the phone line. My heart ached.
With tears welling in my eyes, I replied, “I love you so much, Becky!” Her response was a faint whisper, barely audible, “I love you too, honey.” Even in her weariness, her love for me radiated.
Days turned into weeks, and the inevitable moment arrived on November 26th. I had drifted off into a deep nap on the couch when a knock at the door jolted me awake. It was Becky’s brother-in-law, concerned about my well-being. After verifying that I was physically okay, I lay back down, surrendering to exhausted slumber.
In the realm of dreams, a surreal drapery unfurled before me. An eagle perched on a majestic mountaintop; its wings stretched wide against the ascending sun. The sky transformed into a canvas of vibrant orange and yellow, as if the very horizon burned with the intensity of a charcoal flame. Amidst this ethereal panorama, Becky’s face materialized in the billowing clouds, her presence vivid and undeniable.
The sky itself held an air of sovereignty, a stage awaiting the grand arrival of the eagle. Her silhouette was still visible, a tender smile etched upon her face. Happiness beheld her, knowing this was but a dream, a fleeting moment of consolation, freedom, and strength.
But as I woke, tears streaming down my face, denial clung stubbornly to my heart. I refused to accept that she would be leaving us, clinging to hope that she would miraculously recover and rejoin us, her absence merely a transient illusion.
Yet, night after night, the same dream enveloped my restless sleep. Each time, as the sun arose above the distant hills, casting its last golden glow upon the world, Becky’s silhouette faded into the dawning of finished journey, the eagle on the verge of taking flight. The dream began to unfold like a bittersweet celebration, a solemn dance of farewell.
Then, in the final dream, the eagle’s cry pierced the air, reverberating through the depths of my soul. It spread its magnificent wings, spanning the breadth of the sky, as if bidding a final farewell. As the majestic bird embarked on its journey, I could almost hear Becky’s voice whispering gently, “I’m no longer in pain.”
In that moment, my heart shattered into a million tiny fragments, the weight of the inevitable crashing down upon me. The eagle soared into the boundless expanse, carrying within its wings the essence of Becky’s spirit, the embodiment of her strength and love.
And so, with tears streaming down my face, I bid goodbye to the silhouette that had graced my dreams, intertwining with the sunset’s embrace. Yet, even as she faded from view, I knew deep within my heart that her love would emanate forever, like a beacon in the night, guiding me through my wilderness moments. Becky Groves Bailey saw eagle characteristics in me: I couldn’t see it for myself.
No, cancer didn’t prevail over Becky. She embraced peace, love, and joy.
Thank you Leslie Bailey (Shorty) for giving me permission to publish this. She expressed her excitment the moment I told her she had a special place in my book.
… “in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 KJV
Several things interrupted my busy schedule for that Tuesday. It being my friend’s birthday made it difficult.
Covid changed everything! It took time away from us. Since we were in quarantine, we didn’t get to spend time together. I admit, I was so angry that although we lived in the same town it distanced us. A distance that felt like millions of miles away.
Shannon passed away on February 1, 2020. I’ll never forget the phone call. “Darlene, Shannon passed away.” An uncomfortable silence left a wide-open space. Was I angry at God, myself or Covid or all three. “I have to go!” I answered. The moment I hung up, I let the phone slip from my trembling grip on the floor. In all honesty, I don’t remember what else was said. Nothing at that moment felt real. Is this a nightmare that I can’t shake myself loose from? Did I just hear right? At the top of my lungs I screamed, “Why God did you take my friend? I loved her!” I’ll never forget His response. “I loved her more.” His words silenced my rage. He was listening. “God, I just don’t get it.” Heavy sobs trapped the rest of what I needed to say. I can’t do this anymore God, I just can’t.”
I realize the capacity of my transparency is great. I’m unveiling my secret wars as God deals with me to do so. Someone more than one is going through the same thing.
Feelings and memories began surfacing. I rehearsed in my mind some way to honor her, celebrate that she was my friend, never leaving my heart.
At 3:49 pm, my friend Tigger who lives in another town calls me to go sightseeing on the mountain.
That day in the setting of the sun we got out of her jeep and began shouting praises to God. A new beginning,” I said looking at her in awe, “we are going to experience the glory of God like we’ve never experienced. We began praying for each other, our nation, all nations, friends, and family.
The birthday memorial I had in mind was nothing compared to what God had in store!
Memories flooded my heart; I remember so clearly my friend Ginny called asking me to pray for her and her daughter Shannon. “Well,” I sniffled I need prayer too. I had a devastating situation that I struggled to press through. I had no idea that her daughter was my nurse before I became a Christian. My doctor sent me back to wait for her. Her kind and gentle spirited personality made a great impression on me. She came in sticking her head out the door informing the nurses, “Yep, I told my husband after having hotdogs this evening we were going back on a diet.” Giggling mischievously as she looked through my paperwork. I didn’t know how to respond socially. Dressed in black, heavy makeup and hidden razor marks, I’m not sure if she saw the pain in my eyes. I’m sure she did since she had a sensitivity to people’s broken hearts. It wasn’t a coincidence that our paths crossed in 2017.
My old dark lifestyle no longer existed, still I had issues, great confusion from church hurt. I couldn’t break away from being pointed out by the pastor with a microphone shoved to my mouth. Through gritted teeth and a red face, screaming, “You think your something, but you’re not, “Say it has nothing to do with me.” I swallowed forcing the vomit back down, as I looked him right in the face. “It has nothing to do with me.” God opened a door for me to volunteer for my community and I was recognized by Nick Rahall for endless volunteering. They didn’t like it. Since I volunteered there, I was put on the list to get our home fixed by a church organization called World Servants. He went to say, “Sister V, it was your prayers God answered pointing to my mom. He pointed his finger at me through gritted teeth spitting, “Not you! It had nothing to do with you!” He went on about how I was prideful in a mocking tone, “Well, I’m Joseph,” looking at me.” He went on to say, express how I needed to be like a scolded hog, purged. It crushed me, I supported them. I was dedicated. I made them meals, bought them gifts and prayed with them. I checked on them often. Please don’t look at this as me boasting, “I did this!” It almost destroyed me. I had problems getting close to anyone after that. People asked me why I stayed, “Well, because I forgive. I don’t hold grudges. Because I loved them and hoped that things would change. Seventeen years of dedication down the drain! I thought.
Shannon’s only son crossed the threshold of graduation that year, a monumental achievement celebrated by the tenacious determination of the educational facility. We worked tirelessly, striving to preserve the presence of Baccalaureates within its hallowed halls, ensuring that the flame of God’s Word remained alight for generations to come.
Through the radiant introduction of Ginny, the Holy Spirit deftly wove our lives together, stitching the fabric of our friendship with divine threads of remembrance.
To be honest, I had forgotten that I’m not blood related.
Shannon’s devoted mother, with great affection and enthusiasm, delighted her daughter with the devotionals I wrote and faithfully dispatched via email. Intrigued and captivated, Shannon’s curiosity propelled her to embark upon the soul-stirring literary journey. Every word, every sentiment, resonated within the depths of her being, sparking a profound love for the spiritual musings inked by my hand.
In a gesture of support and tender care, I sent her a vibrant bouquet of flowers, a symbol of heartfelt empathy to comfort her during her post-surgery recovery. Yet, paradoxically, when the warmth of connection beckoned me to draw near, an inexplicable stirring of emotions compelled me to retreat and shy away, like a fragile butterfly eluding outstretched hands.
In those uncertain moments, I grappled with the turbulent sea of my own emotions, helplessly navigating uncharted territories. Lost in the tempest of my inner turmoil, I succumbed to the ill-fated decision of posting a personal confession on Facebook, unwittingly inviting the storm of double hurt upon my fragile heart. The pain, sharp and relentless, multiplied upon itself, like a relentless tide eroding the sand beneath my feet. Amidst the torrential downpour, a knock sounded upon my door, disrupting the chaos within. stood Ginny, Anissa, and Mike, a trio of unwavering support, offering consolation and reassurance in their compassionate embrace. Behind them followed Shannon. She came into my apartment in spite of being allergic to cats.
Shannon and I, bound by more than blood, were like two rays of sunshine entwined in a tapestry of sisterhood. The memories still dance like kaleidoscope patterns in the corridors of my mind. Together, we embarked on countless exhilarating adventures, accompanied by our spirited accomplice Ginny. Oh, how she reveled in mischief, in the delight of making her brother and uncle incensed, just for the sheer thrill of it all.
In the embrace of Shannon’s family, I found a sanctuary, a haven where the constraints of biology were rendered irrelevant. They welcomed me with open arms, showering me with a love that transcended the confines of lineage. It was Shannon, with her sage wisdom and fiery determination, who would point her finger at me, gazing into my eyes, and passionately proclaim, “Don’t you ever let anyone put you down, ever! Do you hear me?” Her words echoed deep within my soul, etching everlasting strength and resilience upon my very being.
Among them, I found comfort, a refuge shimmering with the threads of divine purpose. Tommy, their cousin, became a kindred spirit, whispering words of affirmation as he held my gaze and thought, “It’s not that you don’t fit in, Darlene, it’s them that don’t.” His words affirmed my uniqueness, igniting a fire within me to embrace my true path.
Shannon’s uncle whom she would refer to as uncle/brother, became a beacon of unwavering faith, nudged me towards the realm of ministry, urging me to unlock the potential that lay dormant within my soul. Encouraged by the whole family, their love gave wings to my ambitions, affirming that the Holy Spirit had indeed woven our lives together for a grander purpose. There encouraging words mended the distrust I had toward people.
Shannon and I were two entwined in an imaginative pod, sharing the same burning passion for people, for children whose innocence needed protecting, and for spreading ripples of kindness that would touch even the most hardened hearts. Countless were the nights when we poured our souls into unending conversations about the splendor of God, marveling at His unfathomable wonders and acknowledging His limitless power to shape destinies.
But then, a somber shift intruded upon our idyllic life. Shannon’s friend fell gravely ill, and with a heavy heart, she ceased her petitions for my prayers. Nevertheless, she would reach out frequently, seeking support in the fervency of my faith. Since our conversations were bound by the tides of circumstance, our connection took the form of written prayers, their sacred words inscribed with indelible ink upon the tapestry of our bond.
As the year 2023 unfurled its wintry mantel, February descended with an air of uncertainty, as if holding its breath before releasing an ambush of affliction. Lost in a turbulence of confusion and physical instability, my body reeled from dizzying spells, a menacing virus spreading. To multiply my vexations, the doctor in the ER, in a fleeting gap, gave me an unnecessary pill.
Seeking solace in the rocky terrain of my faith, I clung to prayer, a lifeline amidst the tempest of my circumstances. Upon returning home, I surrendered to the comforting embrace of a hot shower, the cascading water purging away the remnants of distress. Pulling the strings of darkness aside, I illuminated the kitchen with a warm glow, granting my bedroom door a slight ajar. And with that, I nestled into my bed, a tapestry of weariness woven within my bones.
Drifting into a realm of slumber, my senses delicately surrendered to the touch of angels descending from a celestial realm. A dream, taking shape with vivid clarity, unfurled before my bewildered eyes. There, in the midst of Shannon’s beloved family, a tableau frozen in time, my heart hesitated, yearning to flee. And yet, as if guided by invisible threads of destiny, I stumbled, my feet entangled in the feathery tendrils of light itself.
In the radiant center of this shimmering portal, Shannon was seated, her arms outstretched, welcoming me into her embrace. In a whirlwind of emotions, I mimicked her gesture, enveloping her in a fierce yet tender hold. The weight of my tears cascaded upon her black spotted blouse, mingling in a symphony of sorrow and relief. “I love you, Shan,” I whispered, my voice trembling with defenselessness and sincerity.
In the gentle timbre of her voice, as it danced across the expanse of my ear, she echoed back, soothing the ache within my spirit, “I know that, Gaitor. I love you too. It’s going to be okay.” In that embrace, I found relief, comfort rooted in a connection that transcended the divide between an unknown dimension in the spirit realm. A torrent of words poured forth, compassion for her entire family, an acknowledgement that even within the depths of mortal existence, people sometimes forget the gravity of their impact.
The echo of her words resonated within the chambers of my heart, lively with a certainty that surpassed the bounds of mortal comprehension. Unquestionable in its reality, this supernatural encounter served as a divine balm, an embrace from the heavens that whispered, with celestial cadence, that I was unmistakably dwelling within the needlepoint of His will.
And so, Shannon, an everlasting flame within my heart, continues to burn bright, with her encouraging voice lingering as I journey on this winding path of life’s unknowns.
In the tapestry of our intertwined souls, she remains a source of inspiration, a testament to the profound impact that individuals can imprint upon one another’s lives. For this beautiful encounter, this symphony of light and love, was a testament to the eternal bonds forged in the realm of the Divine, where angels gather and spirits intermingle, forever tethered by the power of enduring love.
WRITING GOD'S VISION----AUTHOR DARLENE JUANITA CONARD 
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