Author Darlene J. Conard

In loving memory of Shannon Bailey Sigley

 … “in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”   Psalm 30:5 KJV

Several things interrupted my busy schedule for that Tuesday. It being my friend’s birthday made it difficult.

 Covid changed everything! It took time away from us. Since we were in quarantine, we didn’t get to spend time together. I admit, I was so angry that although we lived in the same town it distanced us. A distance that felt like millions of miles away.

Shannon passed away on February 1, 2020. I’ll never forget the phone call. “Darlene, Shannon passed away.” An uncomfortable silence left a wide-open space. Was I angry at God, myself or Covid or all three. “I have to go!” I answered. The moment I hung up, I let the phone slip from my trembling grip on the floor. In all honesty, I don’t remember what else was said. Nothing at that moment felt real. Is this a nightmare that I can’t shake myself loose from? Did I just hear right? At the top of my lungs I screamed, “Why God did you take my friend? I loved her!” I’ll never forget His response. “I loved her more.” His words silenced my rage. He was listening. “God, I just don’t get it.” Heavy sobs trapped the rest of what I needed to say. I can’t do this anymore God, I just can’t.”  

I realize the capacity of my transparency is great. I’m unveiling my secret wars as God deals with me to do so. Someone more than one is going through the same thing.

Feelings and memories began surfacing. I rehearsed in my mind some way to honor her, celebrate that she was my friend, never leaving my heart.

At 3:49 pm, my friend Tigger who lives in another town calls me to go sightseeing on the mountain.

That day in the setting of the sun we got out of her jeep and began shouting praises to God. A new beginning,” I said looking at her in awe, “we are going to experience the glory of God like we’ve never experienced. We began praying for each other, our nation, all nations, friends, and family.

The birthday memorial I had in mind was nothing compared to what God had in store!

Memories flooded my heart; I remember so clearly my friend Ginny called asking me to pray for her and her daughter Shannon. “Well,” I sniffled I need prayer too. I had a devastating situation that I struggled to press through. I had no idea that her daughter was my nurse before I became a Christian. My doctor sent me back to wait for her. Her kind and gentle spirited personality made a great impression on me. She came in sticking her head out the door informing the nurses, “Yep, I told my husband after having hotdogs this evening we were going back on a diet.” Giggling mischievously as she looked through my paperwork. I didn’t know how to respond socially. Dressed in black, heavy makeup and hidden razor marks, I’m not sure if she saw the pain in my eyes. I’m sure she did since she had a sensitivity to people’s broken hearts. It wasn’t a coincidence that our paths crossed in 2017.

 My old dark lifestyle no longer existed, still I had issues, great confusion from church hurt. I couldn’t break away from being pointed out by the pastor with a microphone shoved to my mouth. Through gritted teeth and a red face, screaming, “You think your something, but you’re not, “Say it has nothing to do with me.” I swallowed forcing the vomit back down, as I looked him right in the face. “It has nothing to do with me.” God opened a door for me to volunteer for my community and I was recognized by Nick Rahall for endless volunteering. They didn’t like it. Since I volunteered there, I was put on the list to get our home fixed by a church organization called World Servants. He went to say, “Sister V, it was your prayers God answered pointing to my mom. He pointed his finger at me through gritted teeth spitting, “Not you! It had nothing to do with you!” He went on about how I was prideful in a mocking tone, “Well, I’m Joseph,” looking at me.” He went on to say, express how I needed to be like a scolded hog, purged.  It crushed me, I supported them. I was dedicated. I made them meals, bought them gifts and prayed with them. I checked on them often. Please don’t look at this as me boasting, “I did this!” It almost destroyed me. I had problems getting close to anyone after that. People asked me why I stayed, “Well, because I forgive. I don’t hold grudges. Because I loved them and hoped that things would change. Seventeen years of dedication down the drain! I thought.

Shannon’s only son crossed the threshold of graduation that year, a monumental achievement celebrated by the tenacious determination of the educational facility. We worked tirelessly, striving to preserve the presence of Baccalaureates within its hallowed halls, ensuring that the flame of God’s Word remained alight for generations to come.

Through the radiant introduction of Ginny, the Holy Spirit deftly wove our lives together, stitching the fabric of our friendship with divine threads of remembrance.

To be honest, I had forgotten that I’m not blood related.

Shannon’s devoted mother, with great affection and enthusiasm, delighted her daughter with the devotionals I wrote and faithfully dispatched via email. Intrigued and captivated, Shannon’s curiosity propelled her to embark upon the soul-stirring literary journey. Every word, every sentiment, resonated within the depths of her being, sparking a profound love for the spiritual musings inked by my hand.

In a gesture of support and tender care, I sent her a vibrant bouquet of flowers, a symbol of heartfelt empathy to comfort her during her post-surgery recovery. Yet, paradoxically, when the warmth of connection beckoned me to draw near, an inexplicable stirring of emotions compelled me to retreat and shy away, like a fragile butterfly eluding outstretched hands.

In those uncertain moments, I grappled with the turbulent sea of my own emotions, helplessly navigating uncharted territories. Lost in the tempest of my inner turmoil, I succumbed to the ill-fated decision of posting a personal confession on Facebook, unwittingly inviting the storm of double hurt upon my fragile heart. The pain, sharp and relentless, multiplied upon itself, like a relentless tide eroding the sand beneath my feet. Amidst the torrential downpour, a knock sounded upon my door, disrupting the chaos within.  stood Ginny, Anissa, and Mike, a trio of unwavering support, offering consolation and reassurance in their compassionate embrace. Behind them followed Shannon. She came into my apartment in spite of being allergic to cats.

Shannon and I, bound by more than blood, were like two rays of sunshine entwined in a tapestry of sisterhood. The memories still dance like kaleidoscope patterns in the corridors of my mind. Together, we embarked on countless exhilarating adventures, accompanied by our spirited accomplice Ginny. Oh, how she reveled in mischief, in the delight of making her brother and uncle incensed, just for the sheer thrill of it all.

In the embrace of Shannon’s family, I found a sanctuary, a haven where the constraints of biology were rendered irrelevant. They welcomed me with open arms, showering me with a love that transcended the confines of lineage. It was Shannon, with her sage wisdom and fiery determination, who would point her finger at me, gazing into my eyes, and passionately proclaim, “Don’t you ever let anyone put you down, ever! Do you hear me?” Her words echoed deep within my soul, etching everlasting strength and resilience upon my very being.

Among them, I found comfort, a refuge shimmering with the threads of divine purpose. Tommy, their cousin, became a kindred spirit, whispering words of affirmation as he held my gaze and thought, “It’s not that you don’t fit in, Darlene, it’s them that don’t.” His words affirmed    my uniqueness, igniting a fire within me to embrace my true path.

Shannon’s uncle whom she would refer to as uncle/brother, became a beacon of unwavering faith, nudged me towards the realm of ministry, urging me to unlock the potential that lay dormant within my soul. Encouraged by the whole family, their love gave wings to my ambitions, affirming that the Holy Spirit had indeed woven our lives together for a grander purpose. There encouraging words mended the distrust I had toward people.

Shannon and I were two entwined in an imaginative pod, sharing the same burning passion for people, for children whose innocence needed protecting, and for spreading ripples of kindness that would touch even the most hardened hearts. Countless were the nights when we poured our souls into unending conversations about the splendor of God, marveling at His unfathomable wonders and acknowledging His limitless power to shape destinies.

But then, a somber shift intruded upon our idyllic life. Shannon’s friend fell gravely ill, and with a heavy heart, she ceased her petitions for my prayers. Nevertheless, she would reach out frequently, seeking support in the fervency of my faith. Since our conversations were bound by the tides of circumstance, our connection took the form of written prayers, their sacred words inscribed with indelible ink upon the tapestry of our bond.

As the year 2023 unfurled its wintry mantel, February descended with an air of uncertainty, as if holding its breath before releasing an ambush of affliction. Lost in a turbulence of confusion and physical instability, my body reeled from dizzying spells, a menacing virus spreading. To multiply my vexations, the doctor in the ER, in a fleeting gap, gave me an unnecessary pill.

Seeking solace in the rocky terrain of my faith, I clung to prayer, a lifeline amidst the tempest of my circumstances. Upon returning home, I surrendered to the comforting embrace of a hot shower, the cascading water purging away the remnants of distress. Pulling the strings of darkness aside, I illuminated the kitchen with a warm glow, granting my bedroom door a slight ajar. And with that, I nestled into my bed, a tapestry of weariness woven within my bones.

Drifting into a realm of slumber, my senses delicately surrendered to the touch of angels descending from a celestial realm. A dream, taking shape with vivid clarity, unfurled before my bewildered eyes. There, in the midst of Shannon’s beloved family, a tableau frozen in time, my heart hesitated, yearning to flee. And yet, as if guided by invisible threads of destiny, I stumbled, my feet entangled in the feathery tendrils of light itself.

In the radiant center of this shimmering portal, Shannon was seated, her arms outstretched, welcoming me into her embrace. In a whirlwind of emotions, I mimicked her gesture, enveloping her in a fierce yet tender hold. The weight of my tears cascaded upon her black spotted blouse, mingling in a symphony of sorrow and relief. “I love you, Shan,” I whispered, my voice trembling with defenselessness and sincerity.

In the gentle timbre of her voice, as it danced across the expanse of my ear, she echoed back, soothing the ache within my spirit, “I know that, Gaitor. I love you too. It’s going to be okay.” In that embrace, I found relief, comfort rooted in a connection that transcended the divide between an unknown dimension in the spirit realm. A torrent of words poured forth, compassion for her entire family, an acknowledgement that even within the depths of mortal existence, people sometimes forget the gravity of their impact.

The echo of her words resonated within the chambers of my heart, lively with a certainty that surpassed the bounds of mortal comprehension. Unquestionable in its reality, this supernatural encounter served as a divine balm, an embrace from the heavens that whispered, with celestial cadence, that I was unmistakably dwelling within the needlepoint of His will.

And so, Shannon, an everlasting flame within my heart, continues to burn bright, with her encouraging voice lingering as I journey on this winding path of life’s unknowns.

In the tapestry of our intertwined souls, she remains a source of inspiration, a testament to the profound impact that individuals can imprint upon one another’s lives. For this beautiful encounter, this symphony of light and love, was a testament to the eternal bonds forged in the realm of the Divine, where angels gather and spirits intermingle, forever tethered by the power of enduring love.

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