Author Darlene J. Conard

As I stood there, lost in the depths of my reflection, I saw a damaged Darlene. Her eyes, once filled with certainty and strength, now danced with uncertainty and defeat, the highlight of faith within her destroyed. Detest filled my blood as I said, “You’re nothing! You’ve failed to learn several lessons, “You trusted to easily and you liberated your heart to care.” At this point I didn’t care. How did I get to this point? I pondered, still unable to tear my gaze away from the mirror. My life had become a battleground, a relentless onslaught of wars fought on multiple fronts: spiritual, mental, and physical. And they had left their mark, indelible scars etched upon my soul.

Weeks ago, I stayed in bed, sleeping to numb away the pain.

Betrayal sliced through me with a seared blade tearing my heart from its place of refuge. Someone who I had trusted, someone close to me, had woven a web of deceit through their lies, causing severe damage. What made this betrayal all the more bitter was my belief in this person’s Christian morals. Like two wounded souls seeking solace in each other’s company, we had shared stories of church hurt, of pain inflicted upon us by those who should have been our spiritual guides. I foolishly thought that such shared experiences would shield me from harm, that she would never be the source of my wounds. Bitterness filled my cup instead of God’s spirit. Not everyone who say they are in ministry is for our best interest. Jealousy is as cold as the grave. (Song of Solomon 8:6) Believing it was time for me to go forward, I pushed my years of church abuse in the back of the closet of my soul. Why didn’t I heed the signs? Why? Oh, why God!”

Even through the darkness I prayed defying my affliction, knowing I’ve had past experiences with it. Believing God when He promises, …  “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 KJV) I’m going to be honest I loathed my calling, wishing that God would have chosen another. Through the past several weeks it has been hell on earth! It literally is.

One night the Lord said, “Get up Darlene, arise and do what you know to do.” I grabbed my Bible laying beside me, threw the blankets off and stood to my feet and began declaring the word, “God this book contains You’re promises! This is Your Heart God and You cannot lie!” Heaviness began breaking as I clearly heard Him make promises of restoration in friendships and other mends. “You are my defender!”

Beloved I am here to encourage you to hold on and keep fighting the good fight of faith. God reminded me that His timing is perfect that in the chaos He is doing something. I believe Him! Jesus knew Judas would betray Him. Here is the revelation, Judas didn’t do damage. He paved the road to a prophesy being fulfilled. In the Chosen series by Dallas Jenkins, Quintus who is a Roman soldier implicated that Jesus’s followers were a threat. Something needed to be done. Nicodemus without flinching replies, “Some florals spread their seeds when trampled.” Those words rang in my spirit as the Lord reminded me, “What others use for harm only causes a spiritual flourish.

The Darlene in the mirror may not have been triumphant, but she was determined. Determined to rise above the scars, to rebuild what had been shattered through the word of God, and to reclaim her spiritual sovereignty. And as I finally turned away from the mirror, my reflection locked in an unspoken promise, I stepped forward, ready to fight the battles that lay ahead on her knees.

I feel in my spirit there are many who are facing the same thing. Stand firm! Seek the Lord with everything in you! He’s working in secrecy. This is one of those situations God is going to have to fix.

“For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.

Hamon hung on the gallows he created for an innocent man. It’s a matter of time. Esther 7:10

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