Author Darlene Conard

During the night of March 28, 2006, I slipped out of the motel room walked the halls, foyer, and private stairways, to the point of exhaustion. I returned to my room not to slip in bed and fall asleep but to hide away. Quietly I turned the handle, slipped into the bathroom then locked the door behind me. I pressed my tense body against it slowly sliding to the concrete floor. There I wept until I felt numb. The throbbing pain in my temples became unbearable. My heart’s door tightly sealed denying access to peace.

There was no peace. “Is this what hell on earth is God?” My heart felt what David describe in his writings, it’s failing. Was this what Joseph felt when his brothers sold him into slavery? They hated his dreams! I felt betrayed in more ways than one. (Genesis 37:2)

Joseph remained in prison for a reason. Two years of his life would seem wasted. A dreary rat-infested prison is far from appearing safe not to mention useful! He found himself there because Potiphar’s wife didn’t want to take responsibility for her actions. She lied to cover her tracks.

Day by day I’m sure felt like hell- no mercy, justice, nothing except torment. Maybe thoughts ran through his mind such as, why am I in prison? I was minding my own business. Her deceptive way got her what she wanted.

Potiphar’s wife could do no wrong. I suppose it was his duty to stand by her although she is deceptive. How could Potiphar question Joseph’s loyalty? He presented himself loyal. He proved that.She could win a trophy for the great act she put on. I sound harsh but it’s the truth! (Genesis 39:19-21) I felt that my punishment to be unnecessary! I couldn’t breathe, talk or move without fearing.

I slumped to my side using my folded arms as a pillow. I’m getting numb, very numb! “I suppose God it’s Your will to be trapped in this cage of hell. Have I failed you that much? So, You’re angry with me about things and this is a punishment.” Sucking in a full amount of air I held it in my lungs before exhaling. The darkness didn’t seem so bad, not bad at all! How on earth did this come about?
I’m no longer surprised how the gain of power can transform people to be superior. Perhaps we’ve had or thought people were a friend until tested by something or someone. Jesus asked Philip, “I’ve been with you for this long. How can you not know Me?” (John14:19) All this time of being with Philip he didn’t know that God sat in front of him. “Show us the Father.”

We’ve all found ourselves in pain’s squeezing grip. Every ounce of hope strangled. Such moments don’t reserve one space for relief. “I can’t see my way through!” The truth is hope isn’t choked out. Buried deep God’s light will shine in the ash causing life to spring up. He’s faithful. Call on Him He will answer.

“I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.” Psalm 3:4 KJV

Author Darlene Conard

The amber sun with its display of colors disappeared as night made its entrance. A remaining glow outlined the mountains of Jerusalem. Saddened, the disciples dropped their heads in silence. What just happened? Judas walked among them; he betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Peter denying Jesus, slicing the soldier’s ear off: Jesus unhesitant picks it up heals it into place. Wailing burst from the throats of the passionately dedicated followers. The ground opened its mouth to receive the blood of Jesus. Heaven and earth shook violently. What happened? Slumber won with its cumbering embrace. “Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.” (Proverbs 24:33-34)

At the sound of the rooster crowing the words Jesus spoke to Him earlier cut him deeply. “Truly I say to you, that this night before the cock crows you’ll deny me three times.” (Matthew 26:34)

All the promises Jesus made spilled out of their hearts as they sat in disbelief. Hopelessness appeared to have the upper hand.

“The LORD of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand,” … Isaiah 14:24

Can we count how many times we’ve questioned the Lord? I’ll be the first to raise my hand: done it many times! He did conquer death and hell. (Read Mark 16)

Writing is my passion! This is how I envision the aftermath of the crucifixion. The greatest thing about the Bible is everyone’s life story is written in it. Have you denied Jesus out of pressure? Are you lost, confused and alone? Abused, physically or mentally: whatever state we find ourselves in Jesus’ cords mercy, grace and compassion will reach beneath us pulling us out, if we accept it.

“In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me.” Psalm 120 KJV

Author Darlene Conard

I remember mostly of that particular church conference for ladies in 2011 of April, a sweep of God’s spirit moved over the packed tight congregation. With prevail I worked my restrained arms from the pressing crowd. Stretching them upward I released myself in response of God’s presence. Tears of despondency slowly cascaded down my cheeks soaking the rim of my blouse and jacket.

Disappointment seeped in the chambers of my heart. Why Lord is it that I continue with a troubled heart knowing You said not too? One of the ladies stepped down quickly descending from the podium to pray for me. Gently touching my forehead, speaking, “Jesus.” Whoever she was, God placed her there at the right time.

Savoring the moment, I stood leaning forward with my hands clenched to the edge of the pew’s back. Something is missing-something isn’t right, I can’t pin point it. I thought. Surely this isn’t all. When is a door opening for me?
After returning to the motel room, I sat by the window for a few moments to unwind. Moonlight bathed the room even with lamps on. Unable to resist I turned every light off in my room then sat quietly by the window. The vent’s cool flow of air touched my flushed cheeks. Nothing could steal this moment of being showered with moonlit kisses. Perhaps this is God gently kissing me on the face.

God’s presence lingered creating an atmosphere of security. I could physically touch Him even inhale His presence. Impending promises began reflecting toward my life.

“He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” Song of Solomon 2:4

After sitting an hour in front of the massive hotel window I tore myself away to change and turn in. I tossed the neatly tucked covers down then slid under the cold sheets. While turning to my side a shaded pattern from the moon caught my eyes on the wall. Worries in that moment stayed behind the door in the attic of my mind. A sensation of contentment cradled my spirit as images of heavenly things lingered in my thoughts. I’m your refuge and strong tower. Greater things are in store for you. My undeniable fear of missing God’s purpose for my life halted as I enjoyed the floaty feeling. Nothing could disturb the penetrating touch of His inexhaustible compassion.

“God kiss me on the forehead once more before I close my eyes,” I cued in a soft toned voice. My study breathes soothed me into complete surrender. Even the pillow under my head reminded me of angelic feathers.
“His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.” Song of Solomon 2:6
Constant words of His ministering power rocked me into a peaceful slumber. I laid relaxed and content in the rest of midnight’s hours. I definitely had a refreshing experience.

God’s unquenchable presence will bring healing to our broken hearts. What every we are going through He will see us through.

Fasten your seatbelt! Get ready for God to take you on an unforgettable journey.
Keep praying and seeking Him. He is no respecter of persons (Romans 2:11)

Author Darlene J Conard

“What now? What do we do? There’s no way out! Why did God lead us to dwell in this destitution?” Fear stole their hope strangling the fire that God’s wonders brought. We’ve all been in the children of Israel’s state of mind. “No way out of this situation. I just don’t see it.” Well, my friend our perspective is off.

Deep in thought I’ve often imagined God yawning after the flick of His finger. Nothing challenges Him! “Give me another prayer.” He’s God all by Himself. God promised Abraham he would father many nations. He swore by Himself, why? No one exceeded His greatness. No one or thing ever will. Hebrews 6:13

Isaiah 45:11, one of my many favorite passages says, … “Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me.” Wow! Amazing! Commanding in this verse is not to approach Him disrespectfully. God is inviting us to declare what He has already promised. “God manifest Your power in this situation. Reveal Your unattainable power in the court room. Jesus reveal Your redeeming power in the life of my loved ones. I declare it done!

“Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.” (Numbers 23:20) God said in this passage He received commandment to bless: He has blessed, sealed and delivered! I love this! (Paraphrasing) “Ask Me about the blessing reserved for your sons and daughters. Anything concerning them let Me reveal it to you.” I love God’s invitations to come boldly before the throne of grace Paul wrote about in Hebrews 4:16. Seek His face not His hand. He loves our adoration towards Him.

“Yea, before the day was I am he; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it?” (Isaiah 43:13 KJV) Not one of can do what only God can do. Maybe you have situations at work, in a friendship or healing in your marriage, or bad relationships from the past. He’ll do it His way. He knows how to orchestrate people, places and things. God sees the intent of hearts, condition of the mind and the state of our being. We truly believe we know ourselves until He unveils strengths and weaknesses.

“The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.” (Proverbs 20:27 KJV)

“But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.” 1 Corinthians 2:10 KJV

Hebrews 4:12 says, He’s the discerner of our thoughts and intents of the heart. Don’t underestimate your earnest prayers. Fervently
God spoke to Noah in a cramped-up situation He created. Animals of every kind, family and perhaps other necessities. God makes us uncomfortable on purpose to motivate out of comfort. (Genesis 8:1-8) The unseen cocoon we are experiencing is a time of growth. Take it, use it, ask Him to show His glory as Moses did in Exodus 33:18.

Author Darlene J Conard

“Lord, I thank You for every trial. I thank You for they have caused me to draw closer to You. I thank You for planting my feet here in my town. Thank You for every closed door that’s escorted by an opened door. Thank You for the good and bad experiences for through them I’ve witnessed Your faithfulness, love, mercy and grace. Thank You Lord, for trusting me with it all. Father thank You for having confidence in me when I or others haven’t.”

“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Giving thanks for trials, divers temptation, closed doors, or betrayal to me didn’t feel like a celebration in the least. It took something devastating to teach me -why and how- giving thanks for such things is actually a powerful tool.

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4 KJV

It’s a sure indication, “I’m on the right track.” You’re on the right track! Fiery trials will either make or break us.

Jesus fasted and prayed in the wilderness for forty days to gain power over self-will. The devil tempted him three times. First, he tempted him to turn stones into bread, didn’t work. Secondly, he carried Jesus to the Pinnacle of the temple at a terrifying height: a 450-feet drop down to the valley below. Research it, its equivalents can be compared to a 45- story building. “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written, (here we go) “He shall give His angels charge over you, and in their hands, they shall bear You up, in case you dash your foot against a stone.” Thirdly, he carries Jesus up to, the Bible says an exceedingly high mountain saying, “All this I’ll give You, the world and all it’s glory. If You bow to me. Each time Jesus hit him with the word. Satan used, -if- if You are the Son of God to hopefully manipulate Him into taking the bait. He also used, “for it is written” satan knows the word well. He twists it deviously making it sound as truth. That’s why it’s so important to stay in prayer. Let our ears and hearts be sensitive to the distinct sound of God’s voice. Know the Bible, “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1) Satan believes the word more than we do. That’s why he manipulates through our weakness. He knows that getting on our knees, earnestly praying will change us and those around us.

Every trial that’s come my way has taught me just how faithful He is. It’s taught me to empty me to fill to overflowing with Him. They have caused me to draw nearer to Him. He will envelope us with His gentle embrace. “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” … James 4:8

Author Darlene Conard

“On a hill far away, stood an old rugged Cross
The emblem of suffering and shame
And I love that old Cross where the dearest and bestFor a world of lost sinners was slain
And I’ll cherish the old rugged Cross
And till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old rugged Cross
And exchange it some day for a crown”
-George Bennard- 1913

My soul embraced every word to the old familiar hymn. Don’t think for a moment the power of the cross is long gone. This world will never destroy or water it down.

Blood does have a voice. (Hebrews 12:24)

Starting at the age of fifteen, I wondered the streets looking for answers. Wondering through night’s darkest hours gave me a sense of belonging to something. Darkness felt safe. It felt right until it retaliated. It was a nightmare! Somebody prayed for me. I no longer live there!

His tender mercies renew every day. My repeated failures forgiven. His throne of grace’s accessibility is opened at all times. As for me often I felt that He would grow weary of me. He doesn’t. He’s patient.

God is patient with us. “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward,” … (2 Peter 3:9 KJV) He is not slow concerning promises. Our impatience considers Him slow. The blindman by the wayside received his sight. (Mark 8:22-25) Legion who was full of demons was found clothed and in his right mind. (Mark 5:1-20) Lazarus’ body lay in the tomb for four days. Still, he was resurrected. (John 11) Water was turned to wine. (John 2:1-11) An adulterous ready to be stoned received redemption. The Bible is full of miracles, signs and wonders! (John 7:53 – 8:11) You know what? Our testimony can be found in the word of God. Who can you relate to? Power continues flowing from the pages of the Bible into our lives. Power, not just any power, God’s power transfers, every written word into circumstances. If we truly believe!

In all my short comings, circumstances, heartaches, whatever the case may be. I chose to bury myself in the bosom of Calvary. I didn’t come looking for Him. He came looking for me: He comes to you.

Author Darlene Conard

Lying still I listened for distinct sounds. Frogs, crickets maybe a meow: nothing but silence filled the air. Moonlight spotted here and there making the night more pleasant. God’s presence filled the air.

Silence is welcoming at times; however, it can be tormenting when we need answers. So, I decided not to waste the silence. We wonder at times why God is silent with us; truthfully, we are silent with Him. On the other hand, He speaks loud and clear: we ignore Him. We do not like God’s answer. Swiftly our feet rush in to do things our way. It’s a terrible habit.

As a child I had no choice but to depend, protect me: look after my sisters. I had to figure out how to take care of things. Jesus wasn’t in my life until the age of twenty-six. I knew nothing about prayer or even picked up a Bible.

Embedded in us are things such as, “I’m going to do what I want.” Even though it’s not His will. I’ve thought long, digging deep within myself. As I read, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) Let it be done on earth as recorded in heaven. I’ll explain. Jesus earnestly prayed, fervent, intercessional prayers to dismantle comfort. “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42) “If You are willing remove this. It’s hurtful, uncomfortable! I don’t want to go through the excruciating pain that’s to come. Are You willing Father to dismiss this bitter cup.” The rim of the cup gently rested on His lips waiting for His acceptance. God will not force His will on us. I know to well that many sleepless nights, lashing out at others was due to that cup resting on my lips. His will voices our names tugging at our spirit.

War within is intense as we all know. Jesus then replies, “nevertheless not My will be Yours be done.” Yes, it’s unpleasant! In the end its all for the good. He only wants what is best for us.
Use the silence to diligently dig into the very essence of who Jesus is. Rest assured you’ll certainly discover who you are to Him!

Author Darlene J. Conard

I’ve been in Gideon’s position more times than I can count. (Judges 6-8) “If this is You Lord give me another sign!” Unsatisfied with the first answer I would ask again. What makes me this way? Searching intently, I reviewed my life. Where is the lose thread? Where is that one thread when pulled it loosens the intact garment? God, I need to find the source: pick it apart that I may come undone and remade.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) Train him or her in the way they should go. If a child is taught to believe negative things about themselves, it’s a weed. It chokes good things out.

Weeds quickly conquer soil taking space. Think about it. For good seeds to flourish, weeds have to completely be uprooted. Grandma loved gardening. Helping alongside her I’d pull weeds out but lay them on the ground. “No, put them in the wheelbarrow to be hauled away.” It made plenty of sense. She explained to me that although weeds were uprooted, they could still take root. Eventually it would choke out the good seeds planted.

Always I have earnestly prayed for God to search my heart, soul and mind. “I want everything that’s not of You God out!” Believe me He answers. Once He pulls that single thread, we become undone. We believe we know ourselves to a full extent until pressure is applied. I pray to be Christlike.

Going back to finding that single thread Matthew 9:16 says,” “No man putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse.” Give me your full attention. Picture one of your best outfits that’s flawless. Now imagine pieces of it being torn out. In the torn-out areas oil-stained rags are sewn in filling the missing pieces. Rags worsen the look.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:6 KJV)

“Search the chambers of my heart Lord. For I know my heart unknowingly holds things not pleasing to You. Refill me Lord for I run empty due to the cares of life. Do this Lord that I may be pure and holy inwardly.”

Gideon believed of himself he couldn’t possibly be the one God chose to confront the Midianites. It does matter “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he,” …. (Proverbs 23:7 KJV) God pulled that loose thread to unravel the misfitted pattern. Family members planted a misconception of a false identity.

“But the LORD said unto Samuel, “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7 KJV)

As a messenger of God, I see you through the eyes of redemption. Let us always see ourselves through the eyes of God, not society. I have been shown great mercy. Always I’m in need of the Lord’s mercy.

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”

Author Darlene Conard

I want to be escorted by God in my dreams. I want to be so infused with His presence that I’m not effected by anything else!

I have experienced an exuberant manifestation of His power and peace in the these past several weeks. Trust me, a visitation from the sandaled foot man of Galilee in night’s hours is a renewing experience!

Every waking moment, I want His ministering power to be so alive, hopelessness barred. Proverb 13:12 says, “Hope differed makes the heart sick. Hope is suspended due to us leaning on our own understanding. Proverbs 12:25 says, “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop.”

Recently I listened to a message that hit home. It’s true we watch, listen to Christian speakers and musicians who seem to have it all together. In reality they have trials and shortcomings like everyone else. There are always going to be those pointing fingers saying, “Practice what you preach,” even when we are putting our best foot forward. “You don’t have faith because you get sick.” The word of God says, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.” Psalm 34:19 Here’s another one, drama. Do you know what the word drama means? Drama is acting, it’s something not real. It’s scripting something false. Pain is real, losing loved ones, sickness or anything tragic is not drama in the least. Those who say such things have no understanding and need prayer.

Getting back to differed hope, the good news is Jesus is the true fountain of youth, ready to restore! Continuing with Proverbs 13:12, it goes on to say; are you ready? “But when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” I love how the writer of Proverbs places the word “but” in there. It’s saying there is hope for that heavy heart. Desire will come back. Keep praying. Hold on to Jesus. Focus on Calvary.

In the midst of the disciple’s faint heartedness Jesus came with words, “Peace be still. Peace, I leave with you. Let your heart not be troubled. Cast your cares on Me; I care for you. My grace is sufficient for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Finishing with Proverbs 12:25, it goes on to say, again, there’s the word, “but,” a good word maketh it glad.” Encouraging heartfelt words does more than putting a band aid on it!

In Luke 10:30-37 Jesus is teaching the disciples with this parable. A caring Samaritan stopped to minister oil and wine in the wounds of a stranger lying by the road. He bound up those wounds, put him on his donkey and took him to the nearest Inn. He paid the fees, came back to check on him. The Samaritan didn’t stop there! He said,” Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come back again, I will repay you.”

Good words are pouring oil and wine into a hurting broken soul without hope. Wine works as an antiseptic. Oil would soothe the skin and work as a sealant. Bacteria cannot grow in oil. Pure undiluted oil provides a shield against bacteria. That’s amazing to me! Kindly, energetic words are as healing to the soul as oil and wine to the physical.