Author Darlene J. Conard

Sarah’s (Sari) impatience tapped unmercifully at her shoulder. The law of nature reminded her she was ninety years old. She dismissed the words “appointed time.” Hagar, her maid, was the perfect candidate to bear her child through Abraham (Abram). That must be what God meant. Hagar the surrogate mother, perfect plan!

As days turned to weeks, weeks becoming months Sarah watched life from within Hagar’s womb.  Bareness taunted her, she perhaps wondered why God awakened a desire she buried long ago.

It should’ve been her heart dancing with joy. She should’ve been the one filling the empty slot. Not Hagar. She is the one who made vows to Abraham as a wife. She was right but she wasn’t.

In the spirit of fury, she sent Hagar running into the desert. In fairness Sarah created something due to impatience. She developed a plan, she went with it. Nothing about it had anything to do with God. Truth said she would bear a son. Flesh said, “God’s way isn’t good enough so I’ll do things my way. The thing tapping at her shoulder, “Well are you going to do something to get what is rightfully yours or sit by while time passes by?” Faith found itself held captive far from Sarah. Genesis 18:1-15

As it is written Sarah did become one with faith.

“Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.” Hebrews 11:11 KJV

We are all guilty of needing to take control. Yes, there are things we have the ability to do. Pray, worship, seek Him during the season of waiting. Acknowledge Him as Lord in your life. Thank Him for His blessings.

If we aren’t careful, we will create something in the flesh that only brings delay and pain. It’s certainly not pretty! God can and will take the mess and reconstruct it for His glory.

If you are waiting on a promise from God, don’t take His instructions in the waiting lightly. Obey His every word and watch. Your promised season will flourish. 

Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) Hebrews 10:23 KJV

 

A message from author Darlene J. Conard

I am not the author of this story. I’m relaying a message to you that it may minister to you.

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you”.  The bearer asked, “Why? What are you ashamed of?”  The Pot replied, “For these past two years I am able to deliver only half of my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you don’t get full value for your efforts”.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion, he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”  As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat.  But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way, you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

The moral of this story is our flaws and brokenness become a foundation for God’s work. Brokenness is a beautiful thing.

I’ve learned that in these past years it’s okay to be broken. I’m no longer ashamed to let others see my tears.

I’ll never forget reading this story for the first time. Remember God is looking for broken vessels to use for His glory.

“For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” Psalm 51:16-17

        Author Darlene J. Conard

Diligently I’ve been seeking God for direction in my life, which way to go how to minister to this one and that one. My life revolves around caring for and helping others. Servanthood is planted deep in my heart. There’s no feeling greater than seeing a life change because God chose you to do it!

Our effort to be everything God intended is never in vain. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Whatever we reap we will sow. That’s the reason we remember why we do good, but not be a door mat. Christ didn’t all himself to be trampled by people. Yes, we do get hurt but there are still those who need us.

Jesus said, “…whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.” (Mark 10:42-44)

God didn’t call us to be a doormat! Jesus did speak up when He needed too. He didn’t react with aggression. He still had compassion for them.

Be encouraged God makes us aware who to reach out to want to change.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9 KJV

The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first.

Robert K. Greenleaf

Author Darlene J. Conard

As I scrolled through to catch up on friends’ Facebook posts, a picture caught my attention. It appeared that a cow stood on a fence pole. It was absolutely convincing! Out of curiosity I read further down thinking the photographer photoshopped it. No, it wasn’t photoshopped nor filtered. Everything legit? Not exactly. The photographer’s position created an illusion. Perspective makes a difference.

Behind the scenes the distance between the cow and the wooden pole made a tremendous difference! How many times do we look at our situations thinking impossibility? God is fully aware of details.

Often, we hear messages of Sarah laughing when angels delivered the message, she would bear a son in her old age. (Genesis 18:12-14) Abraham laughed as well. (Genesis 17:17) We concentrate on Abraham’s stand firm faith. How could he laugh? The truth is we’ve all laughed thinking our situation is too farfetched for God to answer. Maybe it’s been years that’s passed or we can’t unroot believing He has power to change the matter. It could be someone is praying for you and I to change for God’s glory. Change seems impossible to the ones standing in the wrong perspective. My friend, we simply can’t allow our natural eyes to direct us to spiritual matters.

… “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7 KJV) This verse is referring to Samuel’s assignment from God. Jessies sons lined up, one would be anointed king. God rejected every one of them. The true king wasn’t present. “Are these your only sons?” Samuel asked. Noone thought of David, after all why would God want a shepherd boy?  (1 Samuel 16:1-13) He was anointed and the Spirit of the Lord was upon David in the midst of his family.

We cannot see what God is doing on the inside of people. God is doing a miraculous work in the lives of the people we are praying for. 

Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all, (As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were. Romans 4:16-17 KJV

Author Darlene J. Conard

Free download! Worry free surfing, your identity and personal information is safe with us!” The majority understand that there are security issues. Staying safe is definitely a concern nowadays.

 Recently I watched a documentary raising awareness concerning digital manipulation. Hackers prey on society’s fear to stay secure. Cleverly they use the right words to lure in the victim. “Sir/Madam your personal information is our concern.” Fillers are dropped in by making sure that fear button is active. It’s one of those wolves in sheep’s clothing matters.

We are anxious to stay safe, anything or anyone who claims to have our back is a safeguard. False security is in my opinion the greatest danger of all. Once the deceiver has won a pass through our trust gate, that’s it! Floodwaters of deception come rushing in. So how do we know it truly is legit?

I fell prey to false security concerning my soul, I thought while watching the video. Our identity in Christ is more important than materialistic possessions.  

 Our souls are under attack. So many in the world fall into false beliefs. Jesus warns saying, “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” (Matthew 7:15 KJV) Paul warned, “Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them that cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.” (Romans 16: 17,18 KJV)

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. (John 10:27-28) If we are praying, spending time with the Lord, reading His word, we will know without hesitation what His voice sounds like.

Beloved listen to for the distinct sound of the Spirit.

Author Darlene J. Conard

This certainly isn’t the expectation I had, I thought stewing over unfortunate attempts to do the moral thing. Sitting in the silence of darkness I repeatedly scolded myself with, “Why can’t I do anything right? When will I learn to stay behind the line instead of swiftly rushing in to be a good Samaritan?” It’s one of those moments where you have stepped foot in the valley of decision not knowing when it will expire. It’s like an unpleasant song repeatedly playing in your head.

Interrupting my sulking I saw in my thoughts Peter stepping out of the boat. Did the other disciples discourage him? Fear ceased for them the moment they saw a figure walking on the raging sea towards them. Fear conceives all sorts of ideas. (Matthew 14:22-33)

Peter had more guts than I ever would! I’ll never forget almost drowning on several accounts. It was horrifying! Walking on the riverbed’s solidity then suddenly the next step is an unexpected depth: it was more than enough to discourage me from learning to swim.

Several years ago, before the death of one of my close friends, Becky Bailey sent me a message titled, Healing River Encounter by Josh Mills. The words pulled me into a memory. At the beginning of my conversion, I struggled terribly. Nothing made sense. I felt things that I didn’t before. Dreams and visions became a part of what is now normal for me. God’s voice continually called to me to draw closer to Him.

Ezekiel’s encounter was different than Peter’s. He was instructed by an angel to walk in the water.  Each thousand cubits took him into depths until he could go no further unless he swam across. That water would heal accept the swampy areas. (Ezekiel 47:1-12)

Our hardest places in life offer an opportunity to reach places in the spiritual realm beyond our intellect. A yearning for His holy presence will replace anything in this world.

I leave you with this: don’t waste such a moment to step into a place of prayer, praise and thanksgiving in honoring Jesus.

“Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.” Psalm 42:7 KJV

Author Darlene J. Conard

(Photo is from, The Chosen written and produce by Dallas Jenkins)

Beneath my feet lay pieces of broken toys. A wheel here, a marred block there, a few pieces from a torn doll indicated that children actively played. If those toys had feelings, I could relate to their brokenness. I’m sure all of us could!

I enjoy watching a series called, The Chosen. The series reveals that the disciples were imperfect: short tempered, hungry, tempted, angry, argumentative and even questioning themselves. One episode Mary Magdalene falls into temptation when a demoniac begins to remind her of her past. She listened to him as he reminded her of how vile she was. Shame ensnared her. Mary revisits her old hangouts and begins picking up the habits.

Jesus sends several disciples out looking for her. Finally, Matthew and Peter find her sitting in an alley.  They plead with her to come back. “He already fixed me once,” she replied. Matthew’s answer to her is an unforgettable one, “He can fix you again.” The scene absolutely hit a wall accumulating within my spirit, such as: I have asked God to forgive me a thousand times. I’m tired of hurting, struggling and taking unknown steps ending in disaster. I’m tired of wrestling with why I’m always the enemy when I’ve tried helping by praying, encouraging and doing things. Isn’t that what Christians do? I’m tired, broken and I don’t want to hurt anymore! Brokenness isn’t pleasant in the least.

Getting back to those broken toys, most would throw them in the trash.  Some have dedicated themselves to restoring them. “I’ll take time to thoroughly clean them, examine parts, replace brokenness with new, mend torn pieces with needle and thread, whatever it takes.

Hours upon hours, even days pour into restoration. Evidence of its battered state is no more; yet, its uniqueness is preserved.  

“God that’s exactly what You do! Devastation rushes in with its hands, pulling, rending us and leaving scars. You don’t throw us away as some do.” It’s true, He fixed us once but it won’t be the last. Restoration isn’t beyond Him.

“For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.” (Jeremiah 30:17 KJV) This is one of many scriptures of God’s restoring power.

Isaiah 42:9 is a promise, “Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.” Seek Him with all your heart, mind and soul. Talk, cry out to Him plow through your brokenness. He will hear and answer. Yes, beloved it will take time; however, you will be restored. I suppose the reasons behind toy restorers are the same. “Someone saw my worth.”

Author Darlene Conard
October 2010

(Some names have been changed for privacy purposes)

My sister’s and I spent weeks at a time in the hospital in Morgantown WV. We believed everything had a purpose. Friendships developed with patients and medical staff. I had the privilege of meeting a six- nine-year-old lady who needed someone to talk to about her deceased husband who served in Vietnam.

I pulled up a chair beside her bed.” How are you, Helen?”

“Oh, I’m as good as I’m gonna’ be I recon.’ Your sister’s just left.” She managed to grin then winked at me. Smiling at her I reached to help her cover her arms. “So, Helen,” I said having full interest, “what do you want to talk about today?” Giving her my full attention, I settled in the chair anxiously waiting. She perked up like a child receiving a brand-new toy. “Did I tell you about my Roy serving in Vietnam?” My expression changed as I arched a brow. “No ma’am.” I shook my head. “Oh, my honey, he had a hard time. I was proud of ‘em. I sent him letters of everything happen’en back home.” Love letters sent during the war kept this soldier strong. I thought. “Oh, honey I miss him so.” The light in the room reflected on her misty- eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it since it hurts you so much.” I pulled several tissues out of the box and handed them to her. Her weak hand raised to wipe her wet cheeks and eyes. “No, it’s ok sweetie. My daughter won’t listen to me- nobody does it seems.” My heart went out to her. She needed to talk about someone who once shared his heart with her. To this day she continued to hold his heart in hers. He took apart of her with him. There was and never will be another such love in her life. For a few moments we silently sat. She took a moment to follow memories that she bottled-up. “Are you okay Helen.” She giggled, “Oh I’m fine honey.” She swept the tissue across her eyes one more time. I wanted to ask her the cause of his death instead I remained quiet. Her silver short curly hair shined matching the shine on her face.

Several nurses walked in disturbing the moment of silence. “Helen I will come back to visit you. I’m sure Janet and Susan will stop in.” I put the chair back in its place then gave her a hug. “Make sure you stop in to see me again hun’. I enjoy having someone to talk to.”

“I will, promise.” I whispered in her ear before breaking from her embrace.

How is it possible to connect with strangers as though they never were strangers? Perhaps that is what God calls bearing witness.
“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. “James 1:27 KJV

We will never know who we will touch. That day our greatest blessings come through reaching out to others.

Now I understand what one of my close friends meant by kindred spirits. Becky Bailey taught me so much about that. She has went on to her reward.

Author Darlene Conard

During the night of March 28, 2006, I slipped out of the motel room walked the halls, foyer, and private stairways, to the point of exhaustion. I returned to my room not to slip in bed and fall asleep but to hide away. Quietly I turned the handle, slipped into the bathroom then locked the door behind me. I pressed my tense body against it slowly sliding to the concrete floor. There I wept until I felt numb. The throbbing pain in my temples became unbearable. My heart’s door tightly sealed denying access to peace.

There was no peace. “Is this what hell on earth is God?” My heart felt what David describe in his writings, it’s failing. Was this what Joseph felt when his brothers sold him into slavery? They hated his dreams! I felt betrayed in more ways than one. (Genesis 37:2)

Joseph remained in prison for a reason. Two years of his life would seem wasted. A dreary rat-infested prison is far from appearing safe not to mention useful! He found himself there because Potiphar’s wife didn’t want to take responsibility for her actions. She lied to cover her tracks.

Day by day I’m sure felt like hell- no mercy, justice, nothing except torment. Maybe thoughts ran through his mind such as, why am I in prison? I was minding my own business. Her deceptive way got her what she wanted.

Potiphar’s wife could do no wrong. I suppose it was his duty to stand by her although she is deceptive. How could Potiphar question Joseph’s loyalty? He presented himself loyal. He proved that.She could win a trophy for the great act she put on. I sound harsh but it’s the truth! (Genesis 39:19-21) I felt that my punishment to be unnecessary! I couldn’t breathe, talk or move without fearing.

I slumped to my side using my folded arms as a pillow. I’m getting numb, very numb! “I suppose God it’s Your will to be trapped in this cage of hell. Have I failed you that much? So, You’re angry with me about things and this is a punishment.” Sucking in a full amount of air I held it in my lungs before exhaling. The darkness didn’t seem so bad, not bad at all! How on earth did this come about?
I’m no longer surprised how the gain of power can transform people to be superior. Perhaps we’ve had or thought people were a friend until tested by something or someone. Jesus asked Philip, “I’ve been with you for this long. How can you not know Me?” (John14:19) All this time of being with Philip he didn’t know that God sat in front of him. “Show us the Father.”

We’ve all found ourselves in pain’s squeezing grip. Every ounce of hope strangled. Such moments don’t reserve one space for relief. “I can’t see my way through!” The truth is hope isn’t choked out. Buried deep God’s light will shine in the ash causing life to spring up. He’s faithful. Call on Him He will answer.

“I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.” Psalm 3:4 KJV

Author Darlene Conard

The amber sun with its display of colors disappeared as night made its entrance. A remaining glow outlined the mountains of Jerusalem. Saddened, the disciples dropped their heads in silence. What just happened? Judas walked among them; he betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Peter denying Jesus, slicing the soldier’s ear off: Jesus unhesitant picks it up heals it into place. Wailing burst from the throats of the passionately dedicated followers. The ground opened its mouth to receive the blood of Jesus. Heaven and earth shook violently. What happened? Slumber won with its cumbering embrace. “Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.” (Proverbs 24:33-34)

At the sound of the rooster crowing the words Jesus spoke to Him earlier cut him deeply. “Truly I say to you, that this night before the cock crows you’ll deny me three times.” (Matthew 26:34)

All the promises Jesus made spilled out of their hearts as they sat in disbelief. Hopelessness appeared to have the upper hand.

“The LORD of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand,” … Isaiah 14:24

Can we count how many times we’ve questioned the Lord? I’ll be the first to raise my hand: done it many times! He did conquer death and hell. (Read Mark 16)

Writing is my passion! This is how I envision the aftermath of the crucifixion. The greatest thing about the Bible is everyone’s life story is written in it. Have you denied Jesus out of pressure? Are you lost, confused and alone? Abused, physically or mentally: whatever state we find ourselves in Jesus’ cords mercy, grace and compassion will reach beneath us pulling us out, if we accept it.

“In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me.” Psalm 120 KJV