Author Darlene J. Conard

One of my favorite scenes from the series, The Chosen, is when Matthew reconciles with his parents.

His character depicts the struggles of autism. The Bible doesn’t give indications Matthew did; but it also doesn’t deny any possibilities. The possibility opens a space for one to imagine, what if?

From the script writer’s point of view, Matthew is disconcerted with anything out of order. The last thing he finishes before heading out the door of his mansion is making sure he has clean handkerchiefs to avoid contact with his hands. Lined on the floor of his mansion are neatly stored sandals that are innumerable. Before going out the door he slips an extra pair into his satchel. Throughout the series he is seen doing what he does best, cleaning, speaking his mind, fearless, without further ado, starts putting his mathematical skills to work.

As time goes by, he has the privilege of being an eyewitness to the absolutely impossible. The fisherman’s nets overflowed the net causing the boat to sink. Fellow fisherman in hast run to help Simon (Peter) and his men.  

Matthew couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed. The very thing challenged logicality. He for once in his life couldn’t use mathematics to compute the massive catch. It troubled him greatly. Thus, it smashed his security gate wide open. Of course, that means Matthew needed to know who this Jesus was. He begins chasing after Him only to witness more and more. He didn’t realize he was Jesus’ fish. Fisher of men was the point. (Matthew 4:19)

Matthew lost interest in his occupation, instead he developed a hunger to know God. As time passed by the old ridged Matthew chipped away piece by piece. Jesus’ message of forgiveness crumbled Mattew the tax collector. Standing in the midst of thousands of believers Matthew the scribe transpired. It summoned a humility that lay dormant in him.

He hoped that mercy would be present during the visitation of his parents. “Blood money,” is what his ema called it. He had what he had collecting taxes. His parents disowned him for that.

Here is the grand scene that brought me to tears. After all was forgiven, Ema pulls her son into her embrace. Matthew untwines his fingers wrapped tightly around the handkerchief letting it drop on the table to unite with her love. Matthew was once again their son.

The handkerchief no longer became his focus. Being in the presence of the Lord transpires in many wonderful ways!

(Matthew 9:9-17 as tax collector)

The writer of this series Dallas Jenkins explains that not all content is Biblical but does not go against the harmony of the scriptures.

Ema is Hebrew for mother

(This scene was not scripted yet it made a great impact on so many.)

Author Darlene J. Conard

While scrolling over Facebook posts, a video caught my attention. A man found himself alone, lost in the desert in search of water. He walked quite a while before he spotted in the distance a faucet. Tiny droplets of water fell into the hot desert sand. A drop of water was better than nothing, right? The hand of God descended from the heavens to lead him away from it.  Time after time the man ignored the Lord’s guiding hand.

Finally, he made it! It wasn’t close to being enough to quench his thirst. It was better than nothing, right? He fell to his knees covered in rags, sticking his tongue out to satisfy his thirst as the one drop broke away from the valve opening. Satisfied he went on his own way. If he would have only understood that God’s plan was much greater, he’s thirst indeed would have been quench. God’s intentions always go beyond secular boundaries. He would have had more than enough. “If you will just listen and trust Me, I’ll pour out a blessing on you that you can’t contain.” The desperate man forfeited a marvelous oasis with a pure, full running fountain.

“God help me to realize that something great lays ahead, because You are in control. I don’t know what is ahead.” He doesn’t always reveal things.

We want our prayers to manifest through the divine order of God, not something we feel that is right. What is He saying about the job, the vehicle, house or a struggling marriage? What instructions has He given about difficulties in general?  

Something within me has released supernaturally. I sincerely desire to witness that all experience a paramount dispensation involving God.

“God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:” 2 Corinthians 9:8 KJV

In loving memory of Shannon Bailey Sigley

Author Darlene J. Conard

Several things interrupted my busy schedule for Tuesday. It being my friend’s birthday made it difficult.

 Covid changed everything! It took time away from us. Since we were in quarantine, we didn’t get to spend time together. I admit, I was so angry that although we lived in the same town it distanced us. A distance that felt like millions of miles away.

Shannon passed away on February 1, 2020. I’ll never forget the phone call. “Darlene, Shannon passed away.” An uncomfortable silence left a wide-open space. Was I angry at God, myself or Covid or all three. “I have to go!” I answered. The moment I hung up, I let the phone slip from my trembling grip on the floor. In all honestly, I don’t remember what else was said. Nothing at that moment felt real. Is this a nightmare that I can’t shake myself loose from? Did I just hear right? At the top of my lungs I screamed, “Why God did you take my friend? I loved her!” I’ll never forget His response. “I loved her more.” His words silenced my rage. He was listening. “God, I just don’t get it.” Heavy sobs trapped the rest of what I needed to say. I wanted to say, “Am I to be as dust in the wind, people making me part of their lives only to be shut out, or loosing friends to death? What has caused this vicious cycle? I can’t do this anymore God, I just can’t.”  

I realize the capacity of my transparency is great. I’m unveiling my secret wars as God deals with me to do so. Someone, more than one is going through the same thing.

Feelings and memories began surfacing. All that I had planned in my mind was to go out and do something to honor her, celebrate that she was my friend, never leaving my heart. At 3:49 pm, my friend Tigger who lives in another town calls me to go sightseeing on the mountain.

That day in the setting of the sun we got out of her jeep and began shouting praises to God. A new beginning,” I said looking at her in awe, “we are going to experience the glory of God like we’ve never experienced. We began praying for each other, our nation, all nations, friends and family.

The birthday memorial I had in mind was nothing compared to what God had in store!

In Loving Memory of Shannon Bailey Sigley

“The right hand of the Lord is exalted: the right hand of the Lord doeth valiantly. I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Photo by Darlene J. Conard

Author Darlene J. Conard

Roses are beautiful, graceful and preferred among flowers. Its elegance makes us forget the trail of hook shaped thorns covering its stem. Even gentle touches are chances taken. So, it’s basically a double-edged sword, I thought, right.

My grandmother loved roses. She arrayed the yard with different colored ones. My fingers couldn’t resist caressing the velvet petals. Adoration from a distance wasn’t enough. Because of that my fingers became a bloody mess. Quickly I learned to look but, don’t touch!  

Years ago, I heard a song called, The Rose, written by Amanda McBroom and made popular by Bette Midler. I watched an orchestra perform on YouTube with this song. I’ve detested the song since. I’m not sure if it’s true, love is either a razor, or a beautiful thing. Now that I think about it everything has a boundary. You can’t avoid one and not the other.

Some do believe after becoming a Christian it’s a bed of roses. Here is the point that I want to make. Since they believe this walk is a bed of roses, they’re seeing it from a distance. Unless there is contact with that bed of roses the individual will realize it’s not what they thought. God does say that He’s word is a two-edged sword. (Hebrews 4:12) It rains on the just and the unjust; however, we are aren’t going to bled alone. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will reveal Himself. (Matthew 5:45)

Jesus is the Rose of Sharon, no thorns. He experienced that at the beginning of His trial, the crown of thorns. This is one Rose that can and should be adorned with our love.

 “ Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.  1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

Author J. Conard

Comfortably my calico Patches sat on the small step ladder in front of an opened bedroom window.  Perfectly elevated she scanned for movement outside the apartment. Once in a while tension sat in her haunches indicating something caught her interest. Snorts followed the beat of her thudding tail as if saying, “No nonsense!”

Silently sitting in front of my computer a blank document stared back at me. Words, thoughts and feelings began generating. Where God do I find the turn on valve so what’s inside can flow and become a message? For a moment I sat with my eyes fixed once again on my calico’s warrior mentality.

So, it began. The blanket document became clothed with a message of hope. My cat revealed her territorial instinct when something unwanted became too close to our domain. God is very protective of His children.

Trials, temptations and closed doors aren’t abandonment. Trials become a soldering tool that sems valiancy to kingdom warriors. Temptation escalates a resilience in us we’ve never encountered. A friend and I had a    discussion about drawing close to God, regaining ground. Desolate places become sacred ground, holy ground. Now I understand more than ever how important our spiritual deserts and valleys are. Ruble, deadness, and dearth are swallowed up the moment we invited Jesus on the journey. Stagnation flees the moment we speak, “God I’m weak but You are strong in me.” The overpowering stench from the drought will fade upon the arrival of, The Lily of the Valleys.”

Beloved it’s going to look as if nothing good is emerging. Speaking from experience I understand. Overwhelming circumstances targeting every ounce of hope, swollen eyes reveal a broken heart, numbness sets in dulling senses and desertion continually screams, “You are all alone! Nobody Cares!” Don’t entertain it, not even for a moment!

Jesus says, “I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys. As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons.”

We must declare, “I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.” Song of Solomon 2: 1-6 KJV

Make these places Holy Ground, it’s your domain. One day you’ll be able to see evidence of God’s power when then you didn’t! No Nonsense!

Author Darlene J. Conard

For a moment I laid my head back on the sofa to ease the thudding pain in my temples. Beside me laid bills that I checked off that came through. Next mission, making a store list. I would love to have a fresh apple, I thought, my favorite fruit. My friend planned on stopping to have coffee with me and as always talk about God.

“I will supply your every need. I will not have the righteous begging.” God used ravens to feed Elijiah in the book of 1 Kings 17:2-16. The Lord reminded me that His eyes are even on the sparrow. He makes provisions for them. Doesn’t that shout, “GOD DOES SEE EVERY NEED?” Nothings to small nor great, He will do it!

Not too long after that a silver car pulled up in the driveway in front of my apartment. It was someone I hadn’t seen for quite a while or talked to.

“Could you use some cheese? ” She asked bending partway in her vehicle pulling out boxes. “What about plums?” I didn’t know what to say. God just assured me that He would supply my every need. She sat the box inside my foyer, went back not having one beautiful large yellow apple but seven, along with a bundle of fresh plums! Tears poured down my face. “God all I wanted was just one but You gave me six more.” Honestly, I didn’t even ask, He heard my thoughts.

In the month of August coming home from a trip. I explained to Tigger how I needed to go to the store, I didn’t feel like going inside. God took care of that too. God put it on someone’s heart to give me groceries. Let me just say, my foyer floor was hidden by bags and boxes of groceries.

I am writing this to encourage you to believe God for things. He isn’t bound by inflation. He’s God! He created the world, planets, us and angels. Isn’t He wonderful?

“God I only wanted one apple, but you gave me many.” My heart was so touched that God cared that much. (Matthew 6:25-34)

… “for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” Matthew 6:8 KJV

^“ I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.” Psalm 37:25 KJV

Author Darlene J. Conard

Jonah sure did get himself in a bind. To the best of his ability, he tried ignoring the calling on his life. God said, “Go to Nineveh.” Absolutely not! He made up his mind! How could God send him to a sinful city to preach? Of course, he lost.   Jonah indeed chased himself right into an ugly, stinking, deep pit. Being in the belly of a whale is unimaginable. (Read the Book of Jonah)

In some way we’ve all been there. Innumerable circumstances I’ve found myself saying the same thing and doing the same thing, going in the opposite direction. I formulated excuses, reminding God of who I am not. He only reminds me of who I am in His sight.

God doesn’t set us up for failure. It’s a guaranteed misery is constantly there: all do to ignoring the call of God.

An evangelist shared his experience feeling God’s convicting power the day he said no to preaching the gospel. “I ignored it, acting like God wasn’t speaking to me. I didn’t sleep, couldn’t work, or feel peace in anything. His call overpowered what once gave me comfort. Finally, “he said, “I dropped to my knees and said, do with me what You will Lord.” The man was a drunkard at one time, always on the road driving here and there, bouncing around. Rev. Hassel Allen became a great mentor, along with my grandmother and Ange’s grandfather Benson Auxier. They are now at rest.

I encourage you, praying that you do understand God has called you, knowing that you are the man or woman for the job. Children are not discredited in the eyes of God.

We will save ourselves a lot of trouble by yielding to the call of God.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. Ephesians 1:3-5 KJV

Author Darlene J. Conard

Somehow David had to go! Giants fell, demons fled, a wisdom beyond human comprehension freely flowed out of him. He knew when to go, where to go and why. Every plan Saul devised against David completely demolished, not only did he see it, so did the people. Fear escalated as David’s every move said, “I, the Lord has seated myself upon David’s life.” Fury burned in his soul like an uncontrolled lantern greeted with a struck match. David was close to him; David became that match and the Lord was the flint. He became an unwelcoming reminder of all he should have been. He could have experienced the tide of God’s favor in his own life. Instead, he chose to spare the enemy over God.

Over and over, I read the text in 1 Samuel beginning with chapter 16 through 23. Several situations in my life began making sense. David was continually running, hiding and watching his back. It occurred to me that there are people who want us near until God’s power is evident in our lives. You spoke wisely closing space for worldly alternations. You defeated fears. Doors swung opened for you that were not opened for anyone else.

In 2013 a lady asked me to teach art classes at a college. I didn’t, still don’t have an ounce of college experience. No degrees, nothing! I did have administrative rights through God.

My friend and I recently had a conversation over the phone. “Ange’ God spoke to me loud and clear. “Darlene, you don’t know who you are. I see myself as this small, insignificant and useless nobody. I’m constantly combatting those thoughts. She and Tigger joined in prayer for an affirmation painted sign she created for me. Honestly, I was shocked, I didn’t see myself as those things.

The whole perception of this post is the enemy’s fears, he sees something we so many times fail to see. I leave you with this: there may be someone, more than one close to you, who has withdrawn themselves for the same reason Saul did.

“For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.” Proverbs 3:26

For Further study Read 1 Samuel Chapters 16 through 23)

Author Darlene J. Conard

My heart ached the moment I saw heaviness in my friend’s face. A war had been going on for a very long time within him. Being held as a hostage dropped in my spirit. My dear friend didn’t know how to break free.

Many times, I felt that way. Being a Christian doesn’t dismiss falling into temptations or getting hurt. Recently I experienced spiritual warfare so intense that I become drained physically and emotionally. Sleep fled, socializing was out, things that interested me became a burden. Before I realized it, I had a wall built between God and I.

Paul begged God to remove the thorn from his flesh. God refused.

For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me. And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Corinthians 12:6-10 KJV

Countless times I’ve prayed to be free from things that cause me heartache, the Lord doesn’t. over the years I’ve realized those challenges chase me right into the presence of God. I’ve always broke free knowing God will not deny me when I come running to Him!

I believe my friend is going to have a major breakthrough. Keep believing beloved, it will come.