Author Darlene Conard

During the night of March 28, 2006, I slipped out of the motel room walked the halls, foyer, and private stairways, to the point of exhaustion. I returned to my room not to slip in bed and fall asleep but to hide away. Quietly I turned the handle, slipped into the bathroom then locked the door behind me. I pressed my tense body against it slowly sliding to the concrete floor. There I wept until I felt numb. The throbbing pain in my temples became unbearable. My heart’s door tightly sealed denying access to peace.

There was no peace. “Is this what hell on earth is God?” My heart felt what David describe in his writings, it’s failing. Was this what Joseph felt when his brothers sold him into slavery? They hated his dreams! I felt betrayed in more ways than one. (Genesis 37:2)

Joseph remained in prison for a reason. Two years of his life would seem wasted. A dreary rat-infested prison is far from appearing safe not to mention useful! He found himself there because Potiphar’s wife didn’t want to take responsibility for her actions. She lied to cover her tracks.

Day by day I’m sure felt like hell- no mercy, justice, nothing except torment. Maybe thoughts ran through his mind such as, why am I in prison? I was minding my own business. Her deceptive way got her what she wanted.

Potiphar’s wife could do no wrong. I suppose it was his duty to stand by her although she is deceptive. How could Potiphar question Joseph’s loyalty? He presented himself loyal. He proved that.She could win a trophy for the great act she put on. I sound harsh but it’s the truth! (Genesis 39:19-21) I felt that my punishment to be unnecessary! I couldn’t breathe, talk or move without fearing.

I slumped to my side using my folded arms as a pillow. I’m getting numb, very numb! “I suppose God it’s Your will to be trapped in this cage of hell. Have I failed you that much? So, You’re angry with me about things and this is a punishment.” Sucking in a full amount of air I held it in my lungs before exhaling. The darkness didn’t seem so bad, not bad at all! How on earth did this come about?
I’m no longer surprised how the gain of power can transform people to be superior. Perhaps we’ve had or thought people were a friend until tested by something or someone. Jesus asked Philip, “I’ve been with you for this long. How can you not know Me?” (John14:19) All this time of being with Philip he didn’t know that God sat in front of him. “Show us the Father.”

We’ve all found ourselves in pain’s squeezing grip. Every ounce of hope strangled. Such moments don’t reserve one space for relief. “I can’t see my way through!” The truth is hope isn’t choked out. Buried deep God’s light will shine in the ash causing life to spring up. He’s faithful. Call on Him He will answer.

“I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.” Psalm 3:4 KJV

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