Darlene J. Conard

“Okay God, I’m laying everything out on the table. Everything!” A sleepless night could mean what it meant for Jacob. (Genesis 32:24-32) Who in their right mind would challenge God who is all power? Well…. , the truth is we’ve all done it in some form or fashion.

A month of tossing, turning, and staring at the ceiling had to end, soon!

I have this terrible habit of stocking my inner attic to the brim with things I haven’t approached God about. Concerns, hurts, you name! Doing what is expected of me, I put my happy mask on. Of course, God sees behind the mask. Most of the time I do this to keep people off my back. Here I am being transparent, making myself vulnerable. Not too long ago I listened to a message which hit home for me. This lady explains God wanted her to speak of all her struggles, things that once entrapped her. Why? To many people believe they were alone. The heaviness of shame needed to be broken from their lives.

Why can’t we accept that it’s okay, not to be, okay? Within seconds of stepping into my apartment the charade ends.

To my knowledge the Bible doesn’t give details concerning the wrestling match in Genesis 32:22-31. The man whom he wrestled with pleaded for release saying, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” There was something significant about that time. Prior he made his bed unknowingly on holy ground. (Genesis 28:10-22) Jacob encountered God differently in so many ways. His purpose in life was much different than everyone else’s. 

Before that long, restless night Jacob had a history of deception and scheming. Change is a wrestling match. God knew that this isn’t who he was. As always, it’s going to be a battle to get to the next elevation. Tremendous changes were made before getting where I’m at. No, it’s an uncomfortable, long and frustrating journey! This will not be my last.

My message is this, don’t disregard being unsatisfied with your walk with Jesus. Pray through and obey Him. Understand, change takes time. We cannot be righteous without Him. … “we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.” Isaiah 64:6 KJV Yes, loneliness is going to shut everyone else out. It’s going to be you and God. Jacob invited God in receiving his change, with a new name.

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