So Why Am I Here?

Author Darlene J. Conard

God doesn’t need you! God does- not -need -you! Why are you even ministering? Why are you even writing a book? Why are you even bothering to pray or read the bible, since God doesn’t need you? drilled deeply in my spirit like a hammer’s forcing power to drive a nail in a board.

“Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:16 KJV

Why am I? The statement swallowed all the hope that I held. Though I tried praying the accusing words away they become louder. My sleep became interrupted by confusion once again. I should’ve stayed on the streets walking at night, going to strange places and stayed in the dark pit, as I remembered the many times a pastor angrily got in my face to make the statement clear; God doesn’t need you! It wasn’t your prayers God answered!

During a Bible study the words, “God doesn’t need any of us,” came out. The sudden feeling of abandonment, worthlessness and dirtiness came over me. I screamed while outwardly putting on my joyful mask.

I’m wasting my time then, since God doesn’t need me! Prayer, encouragement and peace spiraled downward instead of absorbing in my spirit. Then why doesn’t God do things Himself? Why bother with any of this? All kinds of thoughts generated in my mind as overwhelming insecurity squeezed life out of me. I’m rejected by my dad and God too?

The prompting voice of the Lord pulled me from giving into the temptation of staying in bed sleeping the day away. “Darlene, get up.” He reminded me of the passages in Ezekiel 22:30, “And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.” The absence of an intercessor, prayer warrior, caused God to proceed in judgment.

Another example is Abraham. God asked the angels a question, “Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do?”

And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way. And the LORD said, “Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” And the LORD said, “Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous; I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.” Genesis 18:16-21

Abraham remained standing after the Lord turned to talk with the men who were angels. Overhearing the conversation Abraham drew near, opened his mouth to get God’s attention toward him once again.

This gets my thoughts generating, how many times have we interrupted God’s conversation with angels such as this? It certainly matters or God wouldn’t need to speak to Abraham. Our voice does matter. God does need us and hears our voice.

God communed with Abraham. The word commune means to focus on, converse, talk, often with deep intensity, intimate communication or relationship as sharing your heart and mind: an interchange of ideas or thoughts, resulting from French “comun” meaning – common, to share.

God came to Abraham with His plan. It was important to God that He shared His thoughts with him. In Isaiah 41:8, God declares what Abraham is to Him, my friend. He didn’t speak in the form of past tense. In the same discussion He promises as He comforts Jacob, “I will not cast you away.” (Isaiah 41:9-10)

Moses caused God to change His mind about destroying Israel. If it hadn’t been for Moses God would have destroyed them. (Psalm 106:19-23) Moses reminded God that His enemies would mock Him.

God described how His people made him feel, furious enough to melt them like wax. Exodus 32:10) God spared the people due to an intercessor; however, He didn’t wink at their sin. (Exodus 35:1-35)

In verses 32 and 33, Moses’ desperation for the redemption of the people took him as far as requesting his name be blotted from His book. God replied, “Whoever has sinned against Me, him will I blot out.”

Thankfully through the blood of Jesus and Jesus only we can come boldly to the throne of Grace.

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 KJV